Can poverty or lack of stability make you suicidal?

[SeekingAfrica]

I feel like I am currently handling my past traumas (out of occasional trigger) much better than the fact that my life is unstable every 3 days. Basically that my finances are in a state that every 3 days I know I can cover what I need to (food, bus, etc., at least the VERY basics cutting everything I can), but I never know for the 3 days after that. That has been a pattern I have had for several weeks now and it feels like it's pushing me to the edge.
It's also a pattern that in the past happened to me because of deep depression PTSD and agoraphobia, briefly, for about 10 months. 4 months I stayed at parents place, 6 months I lived 3 days at a time, being creative in survival in way I didn't know existed (without breaking laws- I feel like if I were the type to break laws I wouldn't have been struggling 3 days at a time). It was an awful time. I was on here a lot so some of you might remember it. It was also a turning point in me seeking real help for my PTSD (but I was lucky that exactly then there was a great free mental health center that I could walk to if I took 40min. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to afford it. That is no longer the case with that center.

Anyway.
I just. Either this pattern is triggering me, or it's just too hard. Either way, on some days I feel like screaming, but I get it together and I survive.
Other days it just feels like every step I'm taking is sinking me lower. 3 days survived- minus 3 points mental health, minus 3 solutions for paying my expenses. And I am not sure if I will overcome this before all my chances run out. So some days just feel dark, like I'm drowning so much that I can't see a way forward, even if there was such right in front of me. Like everything in my life is already sinking, that there can't be surprises or unexpected expenses, everything is already too much. And I wake up too tired to get up.
And I don't know which side of me will win, which part of me is stronger.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I think about giving up a lot lately...

 

[Muttly]

You're in a very difficult situation. All that stress is going to make it hard to cope, even if you didn't have PTSD. Feeling like giving up can be a natural place to go, when everything feels too much. It sounds like breaking things into very small parts and working on stability is what you need to do right now?

 

[arfie]

when my psycho demons are on the prowl, literally anything can trigger my suicidal ideation. any excuse will due. fresh air and sunshine is excuse enough. i don't deserve to waste those valuable resources on despicable little me. . .

 

[whiteraven]

literally anything can trigger my suicidal ideation.

This.

 

[Weemie]

Can poverty or lack of stability make you suicidal?

Oh, absolutely.

Spoiler

In my country we have this thing called MAID (Medical Assistance In Dying) && frankly I think that is a real shame, because it's applied to people with "mental illness," but guess who is most suicidal? Disabled people, minorities, poor people. We don't have any actual mental healthcare in Canada.

2 recent cases of MAID: A woman begged the government to provide supportive housing that was smoke-free, they didn't. She applied to kill herself. They had no legal reason to deny her claim, so she went through with it & died. Another? A veteran with PTSD who was refused treatment. That hits close to home.

It would feel a lot more like "compassionate death" if we even had mental health services to begin with, but now it's just a slap in the face.

When I went to the ER fully suicidal having been talked off the roof of a building, the social worker they made me see straight up asked me, "If you were really suicidal, why didn't you succeed at killing yourself?" && MAID is basically saying, "do you need me to push you?" LOL.

All this to say, can poverty make you suicidal? Oh, absolutely. Poverty causes suffering && suffering is what leads people to suicide. Suicide isn't "Killing Myself Disorder." Suicide is the solution, not the problem.

Unfortunately I don't have any advice to offer you other than my sincere regret that you're currently experiencing this, && I am poor as well (I have zero income && am unemployable, was denied unemployment, I'm currently in the process of filing for disability which I may not get, am housing unstable, etc.)

I have certainly been at the point of saying "f*ck it, Imma kms," in the past. Lots of huggos.