General Can you explain his bizzare behavior??

Armgal

New Here
Hello All,

Trying this in a different forum since I got no support in another.

I was seeing a guy long distance for 11 months. We traveled back and forth to see each other, texted everyday. He did tell me he had PTSD, but said it was managed now. Things were always calm and nice between us. No drama, no conflict. Really peaceful. He's a military vet.

We were supposed to see each other in a month (back in the fall), and he was very very excited about that. Then poof, he started ghosting me. I was dumbstruck.

He read and ignored 2 texts, over the course of 2 weeks. I knew he wanted out so I said a nice goodbye for closure. I was shocked and hurt to say the least. But there was nothing I could do. He simply would not answer. I thanked him for everything we had. I was very nice. PTSD did not occur to me at that time.

Fast forward 5 weeks later, he reached out with an apology for his behavior. Said he was sick with covid but it was no excuse and I deserved better than that. That he always wanted me and he was a jerk to me. He was sorry. I responded very nicely by telling him how I felt. That I was shocked, disappointed and I would have accepted his reasons to leave with kindness no matter what they were. He read it, no response. I figured even though I was really nice he could not handle how I felt.

Fast forward 1 month later. He wanted to talk on the phone. I replied by saying hello, how are you. He did not read it, no reply. I text again 4 days later saying yes I'll talk. He Read, reply two days later "I'm happy to hear from you, yes let's talk etc. etc. I replied to say when do you want to talk. He read it right away, no reply. I text again, you keep reaching out and and then ignoring me. I don't understand??? He read, no reply. I finally cut it off 3 days later. It was too mentally abusive. I needed to go.

The behavior was sooooo strange. This was not the person I knew. I then started to think maybe PTSD? It made no sense at all. Why keep contacting me, reading my responses and going silent.... repeatedly. WTH???

Any opinions?

Thanks
AG

Quote Reply
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Armgal, I think you did the right thing by getting out of this and walking away from it with your integrity intact. Having PTSD isn't an excuse to be an asshole or act like a total jerk. Some people that get involved with people that have PTSD and are treated badly by the person, ie, ignoring communication/ghosting, abusive behaviour etc. But they still cling on for dear life. Hoping that something will change. It just prolongs the agony. Move on for your own sake. Best wishes S3😊.
 

Armgal

New Here
Thank you, I agree with you. I care about him and wish him well... but there is no justification to be so hurtful to me. Confusion and inconsistency HURT. I can roll over it in my head and go over all the events that took place (good and bad from start to finish of the relationship,) and I think it always comes down to one fundamental thing. Are you happy? Does this person, this circumstance make me happy? It did not, it was stressing me and upsetting me, so I cut our channel of communication because I knew in my gut he'd keep doing it. Doing strange things that made no sense to me, with an unwillingness to explain. Again, I hope for the best for him, but he's not the man for me.

I appreciate your reply Joey. :)
 

Armgal

New Here
Hi @Armgal, I think you did the right thing by getting out of this and walking away from it with your integrity intact. Having PTSD isn't an excuse to be an asshole or act like a total jerk. Some people that get involved with people that have PTSD and are treated badly by the person, ie, ignoring communication/ghosting, abusive behaviour etc. But they still cling on for dear life. Hoping that something will change. It just prolongs the agony. Move on for your own sake. Best wishes S3😊.
Thank you for your reply. I think even if a person does not mean to hurt you (due PTSD or any other reason), if the end result is you being continually hurt and unhappy, it's a mistake to hold on. I came to this site for some insight, and I see a lot of awesome, kind people who want to be understanding and loving with a partner that is causing them terrible grief over and over. Again, wonderful, kind loving people, but you still can't have a one sided relationship no matter how good your intentions are. Stay cool Survivor3 :)
 

Livinginhope

Confident
Hello All,

Trying this in a different forum since I got no support in another.

I was seeing a guy long distance for 11 months. We traveled back and forth to see each other, texted everyday. He did tell me he had PTSD, but said it was managed now. Things were always calm and nice between us. No drama, no conflict. Really peaceful. He's a military vet.

We were supposed to see each other in a month (back in the fall), and he was very very excited about that. Then poof, he started ghosting me. I was dumbstruck.

He read and ignored 2 texts, over the course of 2 weeks. I knew he wanted out so I said a nice goodbye for closure. I was shocked and hurt to say the least. But there was nothing I could do. He simply would not answer. I thanked him for everything we had. I was very nice. PTSD did not occur to me at that time.

Fast forward 5 weeks later, he reached out with an apology for his behavior. Said he was sick with covid but it was no excuse and I deserved better than that. That he always wanted me and he was a jerk to me. He was sorry. I responded very nicely by telling him how I felt. That I was shocked, disappointed and I would have accepted his reasons to leave with kindness no matter what they were. He read it, no response. I figured even though I was really nice he could not handle how I felt.

Fast forward 1 month later. He wanted to talk on the phone. I replied by saying hello, how are you. He did not read it, no reply. I text again 4 days later saying yes I'll talk. He Read, reply two days later "I'm happy to hear from you, yes let's talk etc. etc. I replied to say when do you want to talk. He read it right away, no reply. I text again, you keep reaching out and and then ignoring me. I don't understand??? He read, no reply. I finally cut it off 3 days later. It was too mentally abusive. I needed to go.

The behavior was sooooo strange. This was not the person I knew. I then started to think maybe PTSD? It made no sense at all. Why keep contacting me, reading my responses and going silent.... repeatedly. WTH???

Any opinions?

Thanks
AG

Quote Reply
Hi there. Yep, been there, done that! Sadly. It was almost exactly the same for me...my sufferer is/was a paramedic so the last year has obviously been super stressful for him but he acted exactly the same as your guy. Kept wanting to talk and meet up, then ghosted me for a few days, so we couldn't meet up, then apologised, then quiet, then in touch like crazy, calling me his love etc etc etc.

I knew all along his PTSD was a problem for him and we did talk about, in a roundabout kind of way. But I thought I'd finally understood that he was an isolater and would disappear for odd days/maybe a week, but that he'd always be back. Until, he wasn't! Four months ago today we had the most intimate conversation of our 11 months together and then bam, after a minor misunderstanding, he ghosted me and hasn't been back in touch since. Ignored the messages I've sent, but hasn't blocked me.

Like you, I've given up now.

It's so sad and such a waste of what could have been a fantastic relationship, but you can't date the potential in someone, you have to date the real person. It hurt like hell, and I wish him nothing but kindness and good thoughts, but he simply isn't well enough to be in a grown-up, mature relationship. I'm not sure if he ever will be. And only he can get himself to the point where he can manage it, if he wants to.

When we finally come out of lockdown, I'm moving on with my life. I'm going to find a new job, move house, wave my daughter off to university and enter the next phase of my life knowing that I did my best for/by him. Now, he too has to do the best he can for himself as well.

Hope it helps you to know you're not alone. Your guy's behaviour is odd and strange to those of us on the receiving end but I think common enough amongst PTSD sufferers. It doesn't make it good or right. It just means that you're not alone. Good luck.
 

Armgal

New Here
Hi there. Yep, been there, done that! Sadly. It was almost exactly the same for me...my sufferer is/was a paramedic so the last year has obviously been super stressful for him but he acted exactly the same as your guy. Kept wanting to talk and meet up, then ghosted me for a few days, so we couldn't meet up, then apologised, then quiet, then in touch like crazy, calling me his love etc etc etc.

I knew all along his PTSD was a problem for him and we did talk about, in a roundabout kind of way. But I thought I'd finally understood that he was an isolater and would disappear for odd days/maybe a week, but that he'd always be back. Until, he wasn't! Four months ago today we had the most intimate conversation of our 11 months together and then bam, after a minor misunderstanding, he ghosted me and hasn't been back in touch since. Ignored the messages I've sent, but hasn't blocked me.

Like you, I've given up now.

It's so sad and such a waste of what could have been a fantastic relationship, but you can't date the potential in someone, you have to date the real person. It hurt like hell, and I wish him nothing but kindness and good thoughts, but he simply isn't well enough to be in a grown-up, mature relationship. I'm not sure if he ever will be. And only he can get himself to the point where he can manage it, if he wants to.

When we finally come out of lockdown, I'm moving on with my life. I'm going to find a new job, move house, wave my daughter off to university and enter the next phase of my life knowing that I did my best for/by him. Now, he too has to do the best he can for himself as well.

Hope it helps you to know you're not alone. Your guy's behaviour is odd and strange to those of us on the receiving end but I think common enough amongst PTSD sufferers. It doesn't make it good or right. It just means that you're not alone. Good luck.
Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry you had to suffer and endure that kind of shock from someone you cared for and gave your heart to. There was never any disappearing in my situation, then one day there was. OUCH! Seemingly out of nowhere, but hindsight is 20/20. Clearly it did not come out of nowhere. I think both these men kind of half heartedly wanted to come back but not truly. So they did not follow through. For whatever reason your guy may have had to leave, you still deserve better than that. There is someone else out there who will give you 100%. Wanting you won't be a second thought or a question, not for a moment. He will want and appreciate all you have to give. By closing the door to the past, you'll open a window to a better future. And all that you have to give will have finally found a home. I'm cheering you on soul sister.
 

Armgal

New Here
Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry you had to suffer and endure that kind of shock from someone you cared for and gave your heart to. There was never any disappearing in my situation, then one day there was. OUCH! Seemingly out of nowhere, but hindsight is 20/20. Clearly it did not come out of nowhere. I think both these men kind of half heartedly wanted to come back but not truly. So they did not follow through. For whatever reason your guy may have had to leave, you still deserve better than that. There is someone else out there who will give you 100%. Wanting you won't be a second thought or a question, not for a moment. He will want and appreciate all you have to give. By closing the door to the past, you'll open a window to a better future. And all that you have to give will have finally found a home. I'm cheering you on soul sister.
And PS. I think blocking is childish (unless it's a really bad sitch), but if he is a blocker and has not blocked you, then he is leaving the door open a crack for himself. That is NOT fair or nice. You still deserve better than that GF. :)
 

Livinginhope

Confident
And PS. I think blocking is childish (unless it's a really bad sitch), but if he is a blocker and has not blocked you, then he is leaving the door open a crack for himself. That is NOT fair or nice. You still deserve better than that GF. :)
Yep, although not entirely sure he is a blocker. I'm just surprised he hasn't as he's clearly decided not to keep in touch. At the beginning it's hard to believe, isn't it, that it's that simple to just walk away?I'm sure you felt that too. But I'm ok with it all now. He's doing what's best for him, and I'm doing the same for myself now. I hope you're fine too. It sounds like you are, which is great. There are scores of similar situations on this site, so we really aren't the first, or the last! Take care 🙂
 

Armgal

New Here
Yep, although not entirely sure he is a blocker. I'm just surprised he hasn't as he's clearly decided not to keep in touch. At the beginning it's hard to believe, isn't it, that it's that simple to just walk away?I'm sure you felt that too. But I'm ok with it all now. He's doing what's best for him, and I'm doing the same for myself now. I hope you're fine too. It sounds like you are, which is great. There are scores of similar situations on this site, so we really aren't the first, or the last! Take care 🙂
Yes I felt that too.... and yes I am long since used to what happened now. Men often like to leave the door open for themselves. There may come a time when you have to make the hard decision to close the door on him, so that you never have to have this happen to you again. Give someone with a clean slate a chance. If that time comes, it will be up to you to decide what to do. Hugs.
 
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