Bananamango
Learning
I have a friend with probable combat PTSD and I've noticed that if I text him/email him about something that has gone wrong in my life he doesn't acknowledge it, may get a bit perturbed by it and rarely says anything like 'I'm sorry that happened to you.'
For example year I got injured and needed major surgery and a year of rehab and I had some complications a few months after surgery. His first reaction when I told him about my injury was almost angry, and he actually tried to reprimand me for getting injured (it wasn't my fault--it was purely an accident). When I called him on that he apologized and then seemed to have a more appropriate reaction--said, sorry that happened. Later, when I had some complications, I mentioned what was going on in a text and he didn't acknowledge it at all. A few weeks later, I briefly mentioned something about it again, and again, no response, like what I typically would expect, like 'I'm sorry', or 'that sucks.'
I asked him in person about it and whether it bothers him when I tell him something like that (I really don't feel I'm bombarding him with lots of negative stuff) and he said he's just not very good with empathy.
I started wondering if someone is dealing with his/her own trauma, maybe he/she doesn't have the energy or time to deal with others' stuff too. If he/she is already in pain, taking on others' pain might be overwhelming.... So maybe I should try not share things like that with him if he's already got his own struggles. Or maybe my stuff seems kind of trivial if he's just struggling to get through the day....
Do you have trouble feeling empathy?
If you do have trouble, do you have another explanation for why you can't feel it? And I'm assuming, it would be helpful, as I suggested, for me to minimize sharing these things, so I don't burden him more? Thoughts?
For example year I got injured and needed major surgery and a year of rehab and I had some complications a few months after surgery. His first reaction when I told him about my injury was almost angry, and he actually tried to reprimand me for getting injured (it wasn't my fault--it was purely an accident). When I called him on that he apologized and then seemed to have a more appropriate reaction--said, sorry that happened. Later, when I had some complications, I mentioned what was going on in a text and he didn't acknowledge it at all. A few weeks later, I briefly mentioned something about it again, and again, no response, like what I typically would expect, like 'I'm sorry', or 'that sucks.'
I asked him in person about it and whether it bothers him when I tell him something like that (I really don't feel I'm bombarding him with lots of negative stuff) and he said he's just not very good with empathy.
I started wondering if someone is dealing with his/her own trauma, maybe he/she doesn't have the energy or time to deal with others' stuff too. If he/she is already in pain, taking on others' pain might be overwhelming.... So maybe I should try not share things like that with him if he's already got his own struggles. Or maybe my stuff seems kind of trivial if he's just struggling to get through the day....
Do you have trouble feeling empathy?
If you do have trouble, do you have another explanation for why you can't feel it? And I'm assuming, it would be helpful, as I suggested, for me to minimize sharing these things, so I don't burden him more? Thoughts?