I know that seeing my x-husband and going home will trigger so much in me that it is hard to handle. It's an unavoidable trigger. I have to take two of my kids home for Christmas. In the past, I've been able to just work through it. I pretty much know what to expect as far as my normal responses are to being there, seeing or being around him and having to leave the kids. I know that even the thought of being around him or just being there tends to shut me down. In the past the symptoms were manageable, but not last time. I was so sick that I couldn't even see my kids before I left. I cried for 500 miles most of which I don't even remember driving. Then there was the two months of pure hell afterwords... where I don't want to be around anyone, have so many flashbacks that it's almost impossible for me to keep myself together. I wouldn't say every symptom of PTSD but darn near close. I don't know why this next trip for the holidays has me so worried. Several times in the past week or two when I start to think about it... I feel like I'm falling apart from the inside out and not able to move. Can you prepare yourself for being around someone and a place that involves so many triggers? I don't know if the reason I'm so afraid is because of what I went through the last time I had to deal with him or if I'm really worried that I won't have it in me to keep myself together to get through this. Any suggestions?