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Can You Relate? Stalking & Anti-stalking

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by wcal, Nov 12, 2016.

  1. wcal

    wcal New Member

    I was told by my therapist I have PTSD about 4 months ago. It came about from a fairly complex situation based around stalking. I am yet to come across anyone else who is able to relate. I don't see myself as a victim but the events undoubtedly had a severe effect on me.
    It started when my girlfriend began having some unwanted contact from a old friend of hers, someone who is not mentally stable and has been arrested for assault. It was obvious he was infatuated by her and would send hundreds of page long texts in a single night for weeks and then nothing for months. Last summer it became more than texts about love and delusions. Once he started talking assault, rape and kidnapping I stepped in more and we changed her number. I became the buffer between him and my girlfriend. I was told by a private investigator to collect all messages he sent and posted on social media. I would spend between 1 and 5 hours going through pages and pages of his perverted delusions and threats towards myself and professions of love to my girlfriend. He claimed they must be together no matter what, that he would never stop, he would kill me to get to her and so on.
    Needles to say I was upset. I felt fear and anxiety every day. I was the single person in charge of being with her at all times, moving her from house to house to keep away from having any pattern. I developed the most intense sense of rage toward this person. I cannot explain my hatred and the things I want to do to him.
    I struggle to this day with the thoughts I have rolling around in my head and suffer from flashbacks, nightmares daily. I wakeup sweating looking for my gun in the bed sheet (there is no gun in the bed) because I am sure he is in the room about to attack her. I see his face in strangers on the street and become enraged and ready to attack them, just to realize its not him. I check cars I don't recognize on my street at night.
    Frankly I feel insane. I am filled with rage every day. I am mentally exhausted and struggle with self harm and alcohol.

    I am only comforted by the fact that my girlfriend was shielded from the things he said and has no serious effects as of yet.

    If anyone can relate I would truly appreciate it.
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  3. Ironlady

    Ironlady “Tough times don’t last...Tough People do.” Premium Member

    I haven't been through anything like this so I can't relate in the same way.. but I do understand seeing perps in other people's faces and getting anxious when seeing a car familiar the abuser.. I was among other things a rape victim and I did and do go into complete hyper vigilance mode where you are constantly in scan mode... your anger is your body going into fight mode as a defense mechanism. I tend to go in the freeze, fawn, flight mode. Not as much as the fight. From my end it is right powerful and you can't easily control it..

    want you to know that you were heard and I'm so very sorry you had to go through that... and you gf as well.. you took on some pretty hard knocks there...

    Are you doing any grounding techniques to help you get through the moment?
  4. pixel

    pixel Well-Known Member

    I take my hat off to you, mate.

    Respect. :smug:
    +littlebird, Zoogal, Kailani and 4 others like this.
  5. wcal

    wcal New Member

    I really appreciate your comment. Every little bit of being able to connect seems to help allot actually. I'm sorry for what you went through and it speaks a lot to your character for trying to help other on here. It's much appreciated.

    I've been working on primarily just recognizing situations that are getting out of hand and may get out of hand and stopping whatever I am doing
    and walking away. I struggle with breathing control and such in the moment, and it's not till after I have over reacted that I think of what I could have done.
    Ronin, hodge, Ironlady and 1 other person like this.
  6. wcal

    wcal New Member

    much appreciated pixel
    pixel, hodge, Ironlady and 1 other person like this.
  7. lostforgottensoul

    lostforgottensoul I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I as well can't relate to the event/trauma but can relate to seeing abuser everywhere. I am in a constant state of panic. I scan pedestrations when driving and freak when they get near. I have a stungun and carry it everywhere. I can't be around many people in one area so stores are hard and most impossible. I check my doors and windows at least 10 times each and cannot be anywhere that doesn't have the abilty to cover the windows at night. When theh can see me but i cant see them.

    There are many other things i do but i can relate to seeing danger everywhere.

    You have a therapist so thats a good thing. Do you discuss this with them and ways to see rational fear and irrational fear and ways to work through it?

    Sorry this is happening. I know how hard it is! :hug:
    wcal, hodge and Ironlady like this.
  8. Ironlady

    Ironlady “Tough times don’t last...Tough People do.” Premium Member

    If im making too many assumptions just correct me., just thinking out loud in words here..

    Well, for one your response is probably heightened due to the fact that this person was/is a threat to a loved one whom you are trying your winning best to protect.. so the rage is playing right into your primal masculine energies of protection and fighting to protect. The other thing is having to sift through all that junk he sent and all that information imbedding in your personal file cabinet of what another persons thoughts regarding your gf would have the potential to incite f*cking extreme responses in anyone.. especially when you know it's someone she has already had a relationship with even if just a friendship... so I don't think there is anything abnormal in that.

    Internal rage will cause extreme thoughts... I grew up in a very oppressive cult.. trust me when I'm angry I have plenty of thoughts of rage and what I'd like to do in that moment. But I don't act in it even though the thought is there. I honor what comes up.. and will give it a voice whether that's through creative expression or physical exertion. Powerlifting has helped with that quite a bit. If I don't exercise those energies are hard to manage and I get really depressed.

    Here is a link you might find helpful describing different grounding techniques. It's a little trial and error to find out what works best for you.


    Btw.. thank you for your kind response... there is healing in helping others. I am not always sure I'm helping much but I try.. even if it's just to lend an ear. You will find our community here has a wealth of support and information. I'm glad you found us! Welcome!! :)
    Abstract, Ronin, hodge and 1 other person like this.
  9. Kailani

    Kailani Well-Known Member

    I feel your response is warranted considering the delusions. Being recently stalked and obsessed over, I could hardly sleep, always hearing noises, jumpy, avoiding. Stalking sucks!! Thank you for helping her!!!
    Abstract, shimmerz and Ronin like this.
  10. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member


    Are you still in therapy? Does your therapist know about your self harm and alcohol use?

    I urge you to work on getting these behaviors under control so that you can stop drinking & self harming-----finding alternate healthier coping skills.

    Alcohol can make PTSD so much worse for many of us.
    Abstract likes this.
  11. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    One of my goals in life : A comfortable level of paranoia.
  12. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

    Having been stalked for over a year.... um, nope, over 3 years, I can relate to this posting very well.

    I will never forget the first time i noticed it. It is like a moment frozen in time in my mind. I had to park a long way away to get to the courthouse (all part of the stalking stuff) and I had to walk along the main street in town. A busy one. And I felt like everyone could see me and that I was in great danger. I had never experienced anything like it again.

    Six months later I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend with my back facing the main doors. I all the sudden freaked out because I couldn't see who was behind me and I was certain that someone was going to attack me. It took me 8 years to break out of that. I am happy to say that I can sit anywhere in a restaurant now.

    I think what I am trying to get across here is that it may sneak up on you when you maybe are no longer in danger. And it seems insane that now that one isn't in danger anymore (or not nearly as much danger) that all the sudden the body starts reacting to past events. It totally messed me up I have to admit it. Once I understood it, I could move forward and start to work on what really was happening in my environment. This is an appropriate goal.

    but it may take some time and some therapy.

    Stalking is a real threat. One that the body and mind must take seriously in order to survive. I would say after hearing your story that it would be insane if you were NOT reacting the way that you are. This is just a delayed reaction to real events that happened to you.

    If you are safe now, go get therapy. CBT to straighten out those thoughts. If you are still not safe then therapy to help you figure out a safety plan and to help you get your hypervigilance under control so that you aren't triggering yourself into deeper states of vigilance.
  13. Freedomfighter

    Freedomfighter I'm a VIP

    I have been stalked over 6 years now, first one, then accomplices of the original perpetrator. It goes like this and maybe it will put your mind to rest:
    Yes, it is true that a person like that can escalate at the drop of a hat, has to be taken seriously.

    The other thing is this: the stalker will continue threats and may even move towards bodily harming the victim (has happened repeatedly in my case). However the stalker has a total satisfaction knowing that the victim is where he or she can find the victim. No matter where in this country you would mover her the stalker would eventually catch on.

    The one and only thing to do is to totally disappear one day. And in order for you to do that you would have to scratch everything out that a stalker can follow up on. That would mean you could not use your real name anymore, you could not use any type of credit cards so you can not be tracked. You could never use your real name on any internet site, and there is so much more you would have to do.

    A stalker is a nasty thing to deal with and you will have to learn that you are simply not dealing with a normal person, you have to imagine you are dealing with a machine, because there is nothing human about a stalker anyways.
    Lotus411, Kailani, Abstract and 3 others like this.
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