Can you sustain some healthy connectivity or do you mirror during symptom flares?

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
I am weary from trying to get interactive rhythms in sync. I seem to be able to connect on a level that makes my family (and myself) somewhat comfortable for short periods of time. But then I find that I can not understand the energy flow or lull that follows.

I start detaching inside while gliding over an engraved set of questions - for despite years, experience, therapists, or books, I never inch closer to sustained connectivity. Slowly as I loose the thread of togetherness, I try to mirror an common movement at the dinner table, or grouping such as the posture patterns, the quiet, perhaps the odd chuckle. Just a toolbox exit, that allows an graceful, neutral fade from the prior robust conversation. There is no judgment nor expectations of catching that wave again as I have now shut-down.

So I thought I ask as PTSD lives among many spectrums...
can someone share if they can sustain closeness without too much interruption when PTSD Symptoms engage? Thanks.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I am close enough with people who really love me and accept me for who I am, baggage and all to have a common understanding of my needs without getting their feather's ruffled (an adult....not a kid). I own my pecularities......uniqueness......whatever you want to call it. To keep the feeling I have for her....my best friend, I have set boundaries......when I feel like I'm getting the warning sign......(it's usually a go hide kinda feeling with a need to pull back) and I pay attention to that message and step back and regroup....because there is almost always something at the bottom of it that is bothering me.....and often an old cognitive distortion. She knows that I have this part of me that needs my own space. Listening to that part to figure out what's causing the disruption is important for me.

Before I got with the PTSD improvement program......I could spend months isolated.....much of that was because I lacked a purpose in life, fun things to do, boundaries with others that I enforced, and a daily schedule so there is routine in my life. I took time for me and had my own interests to share (like pottery, music, art, exercise or my day) so I had something to contribute to the conversation.....get my own life, too. Through those activities, I made other friends outside the family......this is important to connect to your community......only connecting w family can be isolating.

I try to be consistent, and walk my talk-do what I say I'm going to do and not disappoint others because I have PTSD. You might not need to be mimicking others behaviors and feel the need to pull back if you have something to contribute to the conversation, a special meal to present, an idea to run by everyone, and you like everyone else, has something to offer to the family system in conversation and in actions. What are you bringing to the table? Getting outside yourself, and getting involved in a family puzzle, or doing nice things for family to make them feel special, helping with a project, maybe helping put up new curtains, or having them help you with something......doing things with others has helped me build relationships in the community and make good memories.....what good memories are you making with your family?.........I don't know if any of this is helpful, but do you feel a sense of belonging in your family?
 
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grit

MyPTSD Pro
I use language to express how I am feeling (whether needing space or needing distraction) as bad as it and apologize when I am told I may have been insensitive cause I was disconnected. This way I can be cognitively here but emotionally disconnected. The way I see it is this: I act as if I am at work, I am not feeling the people but I have to be strategic about the future so I need to communicate. What I do not do is fake it or deny my own disconnection no matter what.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
Listening to that part to figure out what's causing the disruption is important for me.

I really appreciated your share. So many valid points. I do respect my inner-self’s tally but it is darn inconvenient when socializing to play the sorting hat game. I have been shelving of late after a quick run through to see if I can stay more present within the shut down or disconnect.


I try to be consistent, and walk my talk-do what I say I'm going to do and not disappoint others because I have PTSD

I really respect that ^ within anyone. I manage a large percentage of the time but I do...despite list, smart phone notifications and the secret wish to be rid of the d*mn PTSD...fail at times. I am more than my PTSD and occasional self-allowances for crapping out of obligations, however, at times I am much less present or equipped to go through the motions. At times PTSD does win. Acceptance of my shortcomings is not the same as a stamp of approval. I do not like to fall short.
Again invaluable food for thought with your post. Thank you.
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@Friday Me too! Isolation at times for me is absolutely necessary for self preservation.

What I do not do is fake it or deny my own disconnection no matter what.

Hear you!
I worked most of my life with PTSD and therefore found ways to isolate while tasking like grading, doing financials ...things that allowed a form of separation without too much notice. However, I do at times mirror in various cultures or social situations until I can feel a form of rhythm to the social dance or just bow out. For me it’s not like being a lemming jumping off the edge, or a blind herd mentality but just trying to understand the subtle unifying subconscious movements within normal bubbles (as my social queuing is skewed).

Thank you for offering your approach: I am glad you are true to you!
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I use language to express how I am feeling (whether needing space or needing distraction) as bad as it and apologize when I am told I may have been insensitive cause I was disconnected. This way I can be cognitively here but emotionally disconnected. The way I see it is this: I act as if I am at work, I am not feeling the people but I have to be strategic about the future so I need to communicate. What I do not do is fake it or deny my own disconnection no matter what.
I don't see it as fake (that's such a negative slant).....I see it as coping when things aren't in sync......I think everyone in life struggles and does similar things to cope..... I have a friend who was diagnosed with early stage dementia. She and her husband decided to move locally, into a new place......a retirement village with graded assistance as one needs it. She said to me, I know I'm stressed out, and I'll be grumpy through mid February (when they will be moved)....and grieving the loss of my past life. I appreciate that kind of feedback and give people the space they need to regroup, renenergize, and by communicating it.....nothing odd is thought about it....and friends are more inclined to give a supportive email, a check in, that kind of thing. When deep in trauma, I have lied to protect both myself and friends.....bailed on people.....and I know at least 100 excuses for being late......but I'm doing better on all fronts and just trying to be real. It seems to be a better approach I think.
 

Self-Determined

MyPTSD Pro
@Recovery4Me I have periods of feeling connection. They are not sustained continuously. I have to be brave or work to make connections.


What I do not do is fake it or deny my own disconnection no matter what.

I think you are very brave to have this rule for yourself. Your statement helps me realize how often I do fake or deny my own disconnection. Maybe I will try your way and see how it feels.
 
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