It's been seven months now. She went in for checkups yearly to make sure there was no cancer. She had many unfortunate ER visits complaining about internal pain they could never find. I would go with her. They never found anything although she was getting very sick the last year. By the time they found spots in her liver they told us she maybe had two weeks. She was very angry and frustrated over all she went through by that point. We had to make sometimes weekly ER trips for her dehydration issues. It got so bad it took the best doctors to find her veins as they rolled. I've never seen anyone have to get poked with a needle over and over. She cried so much in the ambulance ride to the hospice that she was dying. She was waking up confused and in pain in the hospice. I slept there every night in the room to be sure she had what comfort we could offer her until the end. I never could of imagined it could happen so rapidly. We had gone through so much together and made so many plans. I've never woke up crying in my life, but I still seem to be going through that. I wake up calling out her name. She went through so much pain. I had asked the doctor at the hospice when will we know she has had enough pain. The doctor told me it was hard to say. I didn't like that answer. So I called her sister and mom and they came down right away. She went through enough distress living, we didn't want her to suffer while she died. I held her hand as they gave her the bolus shot. It seemed to have less and less affect as she tried to force herself out of bed. I've been through so much trauma already. And watching someone I love and respected and wanted to share life with suffer like that. I don't know what to make of anything anymore. Doctors want me to take drugs with side affects. I disagree with altering my mind with experiments. What good would that do? I'm not depressed for no reason. I'm depressed because I've seen trauma after trauma and I don't know what it's doing to me. She was 28 years old and full of life. She had finally got more hours on her schedule at work. She put in so much effort in life. I can't believe what I witnessed her suffer through. It was the most difficult thing I could ever imagine going through. Helplessly watching someone you love so much suffer.