Cannot Differentiate

[caroline_13]

I joined this community 10 years ago. stopped using it, and here I am again.

I have come so far; I have a good career and have pushed away a lot of my PTSD shell.

But, here I am again in the same situation: I've been in flight mode for a week due to a new job and a really demanding boss.

Could be because I am more qualified than her, that she's insecure. Could be she's like this to everyone.

I have been responding to her with the same language she writes me, have been very blunt and terse. At the office (she doesn't work there) I avoid looking at or talking to anyone.

I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and don't appreciate the micromanagement. Who would? It impedes me from managing my work properly and I get dressed down in front of my subordinates.

I need to call my boss's boss, I'm ready to walk out of there. I can't sleep, can't function bc my boss reminds me of my abusive mother. Then what? How would I live? It's just me.

I'm worried, I feel so much shame. How do I not carry the shame with me??!

 

[whiteraven]

I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and don't appreciate the micromanagement. Who would? It impedes me from managing my work properly and I get dressed down in front of my subordinates.

I was in a job for a very long time and was in lower management. I was micromanaged to the point where I would spend a LOT of time in the bathroom, just so I could avoid my manager.

I'm ready to walk out of there. I can't sleep, can't function bc my boss reminds me of my abusive mother. Then what? How would I live? It's just me.

I thought the same. And you know what? Everything worked out. I left with no money saved up, and I got a different job. It was part-time initially, and it didn't pay very well, but I felt 1000% better. Free. And my self-esteem was so much higher. I didn't realize just how destructive this job was for me. It almost killed me--quite literally.

If you can't quit without having another job, maybe you could start putting your resume out there?

 

[Movingforward10]

Sorry you are going through that.

I had a manager who turned me into a quivering wreck. I was ready to walk out of a job I loved and was established in. Ready to down tools and just walk out that door. But, I didn't. I put a plan together of the amount of work I was doing (working ridiculous hours because of her mistakes I had to correct, and doing so much more because she wasn't capable of doing the basics). And met with her and our AD, and said I was taking the rest of the week off and when I came back I wanted a plan implemented that reduced my work. I explained if I was struggling, and I was able to manage high workloads, then there is a problem that needs addressing. They put a plan together.
A few months later she left before she got pushed out. And I was glad I didn't change my career because of one person.

What I learnt from that experience was: communicate earlier. I hope I wouldn't wait until it was unbearable before saying something again.

So, what is it you want?
And how do you think you can express that?
Can you say to your manager that you work better with autonomy and come to an agreement about what that looks like?

 

[caroline_13]

TY for the posts, it is good to have people.

I had the same realization, that I need to try to communicate. I texted my boss's boss in the middle of the night that we need to talk. Due to scheduling it hadn't yet happened, then my boss showed up and wanted to talk to me.

She is so triggering I just walked out.

My boss's boss texted me it was a surprise.

Everything will work out one way or another. I'm talking to the boss's boss later today. But I was wanting to cut myself, I'm so relieved she is out of my life.

 

[caroline_13]

Sorry you are going through that.

I had a manager who turned me into a quivering wreck. I was ready to walk out of a job I loved and was established in. Ready to down tools and just walk out that door. But, I didn't. I put a plan together of the amount of work I was doing (working ridiculous hours because of her mistakes I had to correct, and doing so much more because she wasn't capable of doing the basics). And met with her and our AD, and said I was taking the rest of the week off and when I came back I wanted a plan implemented that reduced my work. I explained if I was struggling, and I was able to manage high workloads, then there is a problem that needs addressing. They put a plan together.
A few months later she left before she got pushed out. And I was glad I didn't change my career because of one person.

What I learnt from that experience was: communicate earlier. I hope I wouldn't wait until it was unbearable before saying something again.

So, what is it you want?
And how do you think you can express that?
Can you say to your manager that you work better with autonomy and come to an agreement about what that looks like?

I think I want to be my own boss. And I already knew that.

I realized that my inner being gives me the answers, it's just that due to fear I don't always listen. I go another way.