Cant cry. I think i need to.

Heather

MyPTSD Pro
Hi. I'm here again. I think I need to be.

I want to cry. It's sitting there right behind my eyes but tears won't come. Not sure how I'm avoiding it. I want to sit in a corner and sob uncontrollably.

Over the past month:

17 y/o daughter was raped
I broke up with my fiance
Today I got fired from my job

I can't cry.

Any feedback much appreciated.
 

Renly

Confident
That’s a whole lot right there. I bet your brain is working hard to protect you from some pain right now, but it’s good you are ready for the emotions when they are free to come. I’m so sorry =( Try not to be hard on yourself…just try to notice your emotions with compassion and not judgement. That’s what my T would say.
 

Nevermore

MyPTSD Pro
@Heather so much on your plate! I don’t know what this is about - not being able to cry but I’m like that too.
I went to see The Father with a friend at the movies and it was not possible to stop the sobbing tears. I felt so much better after crying!!
I can recommend that movie if you want to let it out!!
Sometimes it feels almost unsafe to cry, like letting go of that last piece of control is going to mean an avalanche of overwhelm will fall upon you. But actually it just made me feel connected again.
Sorry for all that’s going on ):
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry all that has happened.

I know that feeling all too well (needing/wanting to cry but can't). Feels blocked and bloated inside.
Maybe the fact you feel and notice this, means the tears are working their way up to be let out?
Are there things that might work like giving yourself a hug that might help connect with your body and might encourage the tears to come?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i suspect my tear glands are not as active as most people. however intensely i feel my grief, the classic wet cheeks seldom, if ever happen for me. i figure it's just different strokes for different folks and shoot to be uniquely myself while i process the hurts of life.

rocking you gently and crying with you, heather. with or without the tears, that is allot to process.
 

Friday

Moderator
Ah, Dysreg.

Do what you don’t wanna, and can’t do what you want.

Lovin that loss of self control & regulation 😣😖😵 It’s just such a useful and lovely symptom, isn’t it??? Grrr.
 

Heather

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you for all the replies. @Friday what is deregulation? Events happen I have feelings about them but there's a disconnect between what I'm thinking and feeling. Very strange.
 

Friday

Moderator
@Friday what is deregulation?
One of the core symptom clusters with PTSD… it’s the out of control mental/ emotional/ behavioral aspects.

As a mom? You’re used to seeing totally developmentally appropriate / needed-necessary-healthy (still obnoxious as f*ck) Dysreg… because you raised a toddler & teenager.

A toddler is learning to self-regulate for the very first time, meanwhile a teenager is learning to do it with hormones (YIKES! Fawking hormones >.< Whether it’s puberty or pregnancy or certain cancers, our hormones are seeeeeriously powerful critters that drop kick moods/thoughts into the stratosphere); as well as teens having an advanced ability to think/reason/argue. So, unlike a toddler you can just “Naptime!” or “EAT!” or “Time to run around!” or “Snuggles!” to deal with the Dysreg that follows being tired, hungry, or stressed/upset? Teenagers will just inform you that they are NOT hungry, tired, upset, etc. and their WILDLY OVERBLOWN MASSIVE OVERREACTION IS TOTALLY NORMAL/ REASONABLE/ RATIONAL AND HOW. DARE. YOU. SUGGEST OTHERWISE!!! 😤😡🤬…and then they eat something, or take a nap, or the wind blows and be hormone surge settles, and they apologize 😅 😇 🥰 (if you’re lucky).

With PTSD? Dysreg is not only a part of a LOT of different symptoms, it actually forms it’s own symptom-cluster (that’s why it has a sub-forum here on the site!) made up moooooostly out of Criterions D & E.

Criterion D

Persistent negative alterations in mood or cognitions refer to thoughts such as, "I have always had bad judgement" "People in authority can't be trusted" "It's all my fault my Uncle abuse me" and such thoughts.

These criterion also shift towards cessation of activities that you once enjoyed and looked forward to, such as team sport, exercise or social events. You were once a happy, outgoing person, and now you can't feel happiness, joy, satisfaction, tenderness or intimacy with your partner.

Criterion E

Criterion E is quite behavioral, such as suddenly yelling at people, getting into fights, reckless or self-destructive behavior (dangerous driving or a sudden urge for extreme sports) excessive drug or alcohol use, self-injurious and suicidal behavior. Criterion E also covers threat potential, such as thinking you will have a heart attack at any time, will die or other accident waiting to happen. You may be jumpy, hyper-aware of your surroundings, suspicious of others and have a difficult concentrating, remembering simple things or even doing multiple things at once like you once could. This all often leads into sleep problems, sleeping a couple of hours nightly or changing your sleep patterns completely.
The big loud splashy Dysreg gets the most press (in general), because it’s exactly that, big/loud/splashy… and lashing out / self harm / suicide / paranoia / etc. is something everyone notices… but it’s the quieter Dysreg (inability to feel or express joy or other emotions, crushing anxiety that keeps you in bed, being unable to lift yourself up, or calm yourself down, overreacting, underreacting, ruminating, intrusive thoughts, mood swings, brain fog, dissociating for no damn good reason (triggers, stressors, stresses, avoidance), etc.… the PTSD roller-coaster… that IME/IMO are sooooo debilitating on a day to day basis.

Crying… for a lot of people, not me!, but a lot of people… is a form self-soothing that is both self-regulatory (You feel better afterward, more towards your baseline) and a form of stress-management (cathartic / blows off steam).

With your StressCup maxing out & symptoms upticking in response to everything going on? It makes total sense that you would WANT to reach for a coping mechanism (crying) that both helps to manage your stress levels *as well as* being self-regulatory. Whilst at the same time? Symptom spiking Dysreg is making that a challenge at best, or impossible until you’re already lowered your stress levels, & can self-regulate enough to be able to lower them further.

Vexing as hell disorder, PTSD. Dude! The shit that makes me feel better, I can’t do until I feel better? WTFO?!?
 
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