Cant find support for sexual and other abuse

  • Thread starter Sitstillsmilesilent
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Im struggling to find any services willing to help me and due to the extent of the abuse and the fact that it was all covered up and the abuser walks free and protected still living with my parents while the shamed my and exiled me, gossiping to all extended family and friends calling me a slutt and an attention seeker, so theres a big possibility I would like to take them to court for the unsettled rape, negligence, perversion of justice and malignant manipulation which has caused such sever PTSD and CTPSD, so I'm told there are things I cant discuss.

This is worsened since i was so severely anxious as i child that i was completely and utterly obedient believing I'm always worth less than literally anyone and remained mute most days, barely uttering an answer for the school register, even in my teen years.

Still, I keep being palmed off by doctors and agencies and I've gotten to the point where I cannot talk at all, not on the phone nor in person, I'm alone so I dont cope with any interactions or have people to turn to and I'm preoccupied being self sufficient and staying afloat of finances completely unsupported from a young age, but I rly struggle with basic self care and reaching out feels hopeless at this point.

I feel like such a nuisance and so unfixable that death really is the ONLY ANSWER.

I have no one and Idk what to do anymore, I'm terrified of talking about some things and other things it still feels pointless, all things I've said before and everytime the therapist just says something like 'oh that's awful' and spouts cliches, I've not felt the therapy has been helpful and i feel I'm just repeating myself, theres so so much messed up stuff to discuss that i cant even construct a way to talk or organise my thoughts.

Anyone I've spoken to makes it feel such a rush each session that I just end up feeling they want to get rid of me and inevitably I just want to get rid of me too, I see no use in therapy and I see no getting better, I see no support and no point in reaching out because I will never get anywhere with anything and will always feel so disgusting and worthless and will always have the echoing trauma of the things they said to me, did to me, then invalidated and gaslit, turning all blame on me. I've never had a social worker, and may parents forced me to lie about the abuse so that it was dismissed.

Please help, I cant take anymore than I already have and each day hope slips away more
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