Hi. I just joined this forum. For context: I was sexually assaulted as a child and my ex from a 2-year relationship last 2020 once made me feel he only objectified me as he also replaced me with the girl he told me not to worry about 2 weeks after our breakup.
I'm in a very loving and healthy relationship with this man for almost 2 months now, and before we made it official, we dated for 5 months. However, during those 5 months, I got diagnosed with PTSD after 4 years of suffering with symptoms and it kinda ate me up and messed with my then social skills, so we ended up things and settled as friends. I also wanted to explore myself that time especially my sexuality and told him about it as well -he was genuinely supportive, but of course hurt. I'd also like to note that we've never had sexual intercourse since day one and until now.
After 2-3 weeks, he became friends with this girl he was always with because of their org, and ended up being friends with benefits (FWB) and always had sex in his place. We were really close friends that time so I knew about the story as he also knew about the girl I was interested with back then. He told me because he was frustrated when he found out the girl only cooled of with her boyfriend and he felt like he was an instrument of cheating.
Back to the main point, 3 weeks after they stopped being FWB, I got back with him also after few sessions of therapy and self-work (during the 2 months of being friends) despite knowing that because I really love him and can't let him go because we really jive so well and I can see my future with him. My problem now is that I'm still bothered about the FWB thing yet I understand that people can just really have casual sex and not develop romantic feelings. It sometimes make me feel like how I felt back in 2020 -objectified, and easy to replace. It has gotten to the point that scenes of them f*cking kept on replaying in my imagination, I can't even masturbate well because of those flashes in my mind and have to completely divert my attention to another thing.
I just don't know how to deal with this, though it's not as bad as the first month being with him. I can't ask my therapist about this because I feel anxious that she knows my identity. I don't know what to do, any advices please? : <
I'm in a very loving and healthy relationship with this man for almost 2 months now, and before we made it official, we dated for 5 months. However, during those 5 months, I got diagnosed with PTSD after 4 years of suffering with symptoms and it kinda ate me up and messed with my then social skills, so we ended up things and settled as friends. I also wanted to explore myself that time especially my sexuality and told him about it as well -he was genuinely supportive, but of course hurt. I'd also like to note that we've never had sexual intercourse since day one and until now.
After 2-3 weeks, he became friends with this girl he was always with because of their org, and ended up being friends with benefits (FWB) and always had sex in his place. We were really close friends that time so I knew about the story as he also knew about the girl I was interested with back then. He told me because he was frustrated when he found out the girl only cooled of with her boyfriend and he felt like he was an instrument of cheating.
Back to the main point, 3 weeks after they stopped being FWB, I got back with him also after few sessions of therapy and self-work (during the 2 months of being friends) despite knowing that because I really love him and can't let him go because we really jive so well and I can see my future with him. My problem now is that I'm still bothered about the FWB thing yet I understand that people can just really have casual sex and not develop romantic feelings. It sometimes make me feel like how I felt back in 2020 -objectified, and easy to replace. It has gotten to the point that scenes of them f*cking kept on replaying in my imagination, I can't even masturbate well because of those flashes in my mind and have to completely divert my attention to another thing.
I just don't know how to deal with this, though it's not as bad as the first month being with him. I can't ask my therapist about this because I feel anxious that she knows my identity. I don't know what to do, any advices please? : <