Undiagnosed Can't get rid of control and affection from my parents.

[click]

Even though i am an adult and live far from my parents, they make me very nervous and confuse about my life goal. The memory of childhood always come back to me, they abuse and beat me.
I have my dream, however they think i can't get it and my dream just a day dream. Every date with my mom, she shame me for grant. I have several times discuss about the problem, which seems don't work at all. But as the same time, they help me find my job(which they don't like now), and buy my a little apartment.
I decide to cut off connection for a while, but I discover my heart still nervous and painful, I can't get power form almost everything. I can't really relax, I feel tired and imagine the ways to kill myself (however I don't wanna die totally, don't worry).
Things like that always come and return for years, i wanna a happy and peaceful life, I wanna have great power to do my work and my hobbits, I don't wanna always share bad things with my friends. And I read a book:《COMPLEX PTSD: FROM SURVIVING TO THRIVING》 Pete Walker , which mentions that a group is helpful, finally i find this great forums.

 

[Riley Jones]

Even though i am an adult and live far from my parents, they make me very nervous and confuse about my life goal. The memory of childhood always come back to me, they abuse and beat me.
I have my dream, however they think i can't get it and my dream just a day dream. Every date with my mom, she shame me for grant. I have several times discuss about the problem, which seems don't work at all. But as the same time, they help me find my job(which they don't like now), and buy my a little apartment.
I decide to cut off connection for a while, but I discover my heart still nervous and painful, I can't get power form almost everything. I can't really relax, I feel tired and imagine the ways to kill myself (however I don't wanna die totally, don't worry).
Things like that always come and return for years, i wanna a happy and peaceful life, I wanna have great power to do my work and my hobbits, I don't wanna always share bad things with my friends. And I read a book:《COMPLEX PTSD: FROM SURVIVING TO THRIVING》 Pete Walker , which mentions that a group is helpful, finally i find this great forums.

Hello and welcome to the myptsd.com community. I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you have had with your parents. It's completely understandable that these memories and their negative influence on your life are still affecting you.

It's positive to hear that you have a dream and want a happy and peaceful life. It's important to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly beneficial and healing. Being part of a peer-to-peer community, like this one, can provide a safe space for sharing your thoughts and feelings with people who understand what you're going through.

I'm glad you found the book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker helpful. It's great that you have taken the initiative to seek out resources and support. In addition to this community, I encourage you to consider seeking professional help if you haven't already. A trauma psychologist or therapist can provide valuable guidance and support tailored to your specific needs.

On myptsd.com, you will find several forums dedicated to different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD, such as childhood abuse, family, healing strategies, and more. Exploring these forums might be helpful for you as they provide a space for discussing specific topics related to your experiences.

Remember, healing takes time and everyone's journey is unique. It is possible to find healing and build a fulfilling life. I hope that being part of this community provides you with a sense of belonging and empowerment. Please know that there are people here who genuinely care and want to support you on your path to recovery.

Take care and reach out whenever you need to.

 

[Sideways]

Family relationships can be so complicated. Hopefully you can start to build your own support network that doesn’t rely on your parents so much, and find can find acceptance and validation elsewhere.

In the meantime, welcome to the forum!

 

[littleoc]

Glad you're here

 

[arfie]

hello click. welcome to the forum.

as the fifth of eleven children, i don't believe my parents noticed when i moved 1800 miles away and didn't bother to send a forwarding address. they pretty much left me. and vice versa, but i still didn't manage to escape their influence, not even now that they have both been dead for nearly a decade. the harder i work to reject that influence, the more it seems to dominate.

i seek my own balance in taking what works for me and leaving the rest. when i acknowledge their strong points, the nightmares of their dysfunctional points are easier to forgive and set aside. they were more sick than evil. i lean heavily on my peer support network while seeking this balance. the checks and balances of my peer supporters go a long way in helping me see clearly what to keep and what to forgive and set aside.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you.
welcome aboard.

 

[OliveJewel]

Welcome! This is a place you can explore those feelings and receive support through your growth.

 

[Muttly]

Hi, I relate to this very much. I've come a long ways in healing but my relationship with my family is something I still struggle with at times. I will say it's to a much, much smaller degree. I have my own life, job, support system and hobbies. It's confusing when your family can be helpful in some ways and absolutely destructive in others. It makes the relationship complex and the emotions about the relationship complex.

 

[click]

Hi, I relate to this very much. I've come a long ways in healing but my relationship with my family is something I still struggle with at times. I will say it's to a much, much smaller degree. I have my own life, job, support system and hobbies. It's confusing when your family can be helpful in some ways and absolutely destructive in others. It makes the relationship complex and the emotions about the relationship complex.

That's right, sometime I just feel "LOVE" and "HATE" at the same time, which final remains deep sadness. It makes me feeling split. I don't know what i really feel to them. And sometime I just hurt them by words also, the feeling is terrible.

 

[click]

hello click. welcome to the forum.

as the fifth of eleven children, i don't believe my parents noticed when i moved 1800 miles away and didn't bother to send a forwarding address. they pretty much left me. and vice versa, but i still didn't manage to escape their influence, not even now that they have both been dead for nearly a decade. the harder i work to reject that influence, the more it seems to dominate.

i seek my own balance in taking what works for me and leaving the rest. when i acknowledge their strong points, the nightmares of their dysfunctional points are easier to forgive and set aside. they were more sick than evil. i lean heavily on my peer support network while seeking this balance. the checks and balances of my peer supporters go a long way in helping me see clearly what to keep and what to forgive and set aside.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you.
welcome aboard.

I am so glad that you have your supporter, I hope I can find one, too. My friends used be my supporter as well, but I find that my business still have some negative influence to them, I am not dare to share bad news to my friend in a long turn, for afraid of lost my friends.

 

[arfie]

I hope I can find one, too. My friends used be my supporter as well

i don't look for one supporter. i look for groups, such as the community established right here and weave those groups into a network to cover as many bases as possible. life and ptsd keep throwing me unpredictable curve balls. a diverse, well-maintained therapy network increases my odds of finding the help i need, when i need it.

it helps me allot to draw boundaries between my therapy network and my social network (friends, family, etc.) the emotional detachment i find within my therapy network helps me take clearer, more thorough looks at the problems. may my loved ones never be able to detach that far. they help me best AS friends and loved ones. it takes a village to heal. i try to let each village citizen stay true to their place in my life.