There is something strange and odd that I discovered couple of years back about my conversations with others.
I was once talking with 2 guys from my college about a car accident that I had been involved in, and one of them was trying to cut me off. I didn't let him cut me off, and was determined to tell them about another car accident I had been involved in (quite a few car accidents). I went on to tell them about both the accidents.
However, if I had to talk about a positive experience with someone, I couldn't talk about a single experience even though I know I have many. Most of my conversations with people are filled with complaints, and I hate it.
I don't understand why I have this. I have often thought that I am terrified of my father criticizing me were I to talk about my positive experiences with someone, even though my family wasn't around.
I have tried to persuade myself to talk about positive experiences, but I am unable to do it even if I have to think about them.
The strangest thing is I feel really lively and alert when I am in negative incidents such as car accidents; but when it comes to sky diving, jet skiing, or travelling, I am half asleep, emotionally dead.
Could it be that I am ashamed to have good experiences and I feel I cannot be worthy of being in situations that causes me to feel satisfied?
As a child, I was shamed a lot by my family for showing emotions.
I was once talking with 2 guys from my college about a car accident that I had been involved in, and one of them was trying to cut me off. I didn't let him cut me off, and was determined to tell them about another car accident I had been involved in (quite a few car accidents). I went on to tell them about both the accidents.
However, if I had to talk about a positive experience with someone, I couldn't talk about a single experience even though I know I have many. Most of my conversations with people are filled with complaints, and I hate it.
I don't understand why I have this. I have often thought that I am terrified of my father criticizing me were I to talk about my positive experiences with someone, even though my family wasn't around.
I have tried to persuade myself to talk about positive experiences, but I am unable to do it even if I have to think about them.
The strangest thing is I feel really lively and alert when I am in negative incidents such as car accidents; but when it comes to sky diving, jet skiing, or travelling, I am half asleep, emotionally dead.
Could it be that I am ashamed to have good experiences and I feel I cannot be worthy of being in situations that causes me to feel satisfied?
As a child, I was shamed a lot by my family for showing emotions.