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Caring for Him

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by GirlofJames, Aug 1, 2006.

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  1. GirlofJames

    GirlofJames New Member

    He came back after 12 months in Iraq in September 2004. We've been together since 7/05. Up and down. Dealing with Iraq, the death of his grandmother in Oct/05, the tragic unexpected death of my 5 year old in Nov/05, dealing with the physical injuries and lifestyle changes he's sustained, and the stress of VA appointments and such. I need help in supporting him. We are both in our own counseling. I guess what I'm looking for is....how do I help him? How do I recognize when he's headed down the bumpy road, how do I keep him from falling? We are in Atlanta, GA but planning to move to Tennessee to be close to his 7 year old son by the end of the year I hope. Can anyone help? I will try to figure this posting out, or email me at
    jpgpjp2005 at yahoo.com and I know that I will see it. This forum is all new stuff to me. Wow, I'm babbling.....sorry everyone. Good to meet you all.
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  3. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi GirlofJames,

    Welcome to the forum. I delinked your email so you wouldn't get spammed more than you most likely do.

    Wow... you have both been to hell and back already... I think you both need some well deserved time off together!

    I know your asking about how to support your husband, but honestly, all you can do is be there for him. There is nothing to solve for him, just support him, let him know you care, and look after yourself at the same time, ie. don't become his doormat for PTSD.

    Spouses are joining more and more now, which is great, and I am sure plenty will reply to you soon with their experience, advice and support. Take care of you, and don't worry about babbling... it is ok. You have found support, and that is what matters now.
  4. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Hi GofJ,

    Rough journey. First thing that I will say to you, one spouse to another - look after you first. Sounds selfish but it is the only way that you will feel strong enough to support your partner. Those with PTSD will admit to being selfish with their own needs, if they are honest and in order to help, you must get a little that way yourself. It takes a lot of emotional, mental and sometimes physical strength to live with the PTSD demon. I've said it here many times recently I am only just starting to learn the art of self-care. Women, to be honest, stink at it. Everyone else is first and us last. I think that partly that is our makeup and partly society conditioning. Don't get me wrong, I am not some new age feminist (and if thats your thing that is okay too!!), I love my husband and would like to see him conquer or at least live better with the PTSD demon but I live in a house dominated by men. Well, one man, one would be man (teenager), one toddler and perhaps another willy in the making (we are expecting in November) - they do not suffer any guilt issues about resting when they need it, leaving the dishes, or sitting on their butts while you clean around them. I am getting that way slowly. My point.........you can't make him better, he has to do that for him and he is the only one that can. You can support him by looking after you, support people are only human and have limits too!!

    It is good that you are both receiving some counselling. I have seen and experienced the benefits of dealing with stuff earlier and head on. I have also seen the reverse. It sounds like you have been dealt a pretty rough hand lately, I hope the counselling and the support you can find here is the start of better things to come for both of you. Please take care of you and post as you need to. Either Anthony and I are usually online at least once a day.
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