Changing For The Better, But I Feel So Uncomfortable

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
I guess the best way to put this is that I feel uncomfortable. Things have been improving (see my last thread), but this all feels so new and foreign to me. I’m not to the point of self sabotaging, which is good, but nevertheless I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to make myself feel better, or if it’s just best to sit with these uncomfortable feelings as I know that they won’t actually hurt me, and feeling uncomfortable is ok.

(The uncomfortable feelings are just because it’s new and I’m not used to feeling this way, without thoughts of self hatred running through my head.)

Do others go through this, and if so then how do you deal with it?

Thank you.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
posilutely i go through this, often enough that it has become a familiar routine. however dysfunctional the coping mechanism i am giving up. i still feel unbearably vulnerable when i lay down that proverbial sword and shield. then we get to the leaps of faith required to mindfully nudge myself through the process. . .

you are not alone.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
The uncomfortable feelings are just because it’s new and I’m not used to feeling this way, without thoughts of self hatred running through my head.)
Oh, yeah. And the only way I have been able to manage this is...

to sit with these uncomfortable feelings as I know that they won’t actually hurt me, and feeling uncomfortable is ok.
This is such an important thing to realize! Not only that being uncomfortable won't hurt you, but that those (and all) feelings are temporary. I continue to have these feelings, but the more I just accept that they are there and they will pass, the easier they are to manage.
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
Ok so I’m going to respond before reading replies so I don’t forget what I want to say.

It’s really weighing on me. I hate feeling so out of sorts. I feel so hopeless. Who can help me? If I say anything to anyone that I am struggling I just get a “you need to go inpatient or to partial” as if that is supposed to help? They just insist on making you take more drugs. I don’t need more drugs, I need support. I am really afraid I’m getting close to some kind of stupid self sabotage.
 

Friday

Moderator
I am really afraid I’m getting close to some kind of stupid self sabotage
Makes sense.

You know how to handle that, and the fallout. You’re very, very good, at handling both.

This new stuff? You’re learning.

Learning, in addition to all the good stuff that comes along with it, is ALSO exhausting, and stressful, and demoralizing, and, and, and…. Like starting a new job, or the first day of a new school or program with wildly different expectations than your last, or learning a new language/music/sport. No matter all benefit, and bonuses, and damn good reasons? There are some serious challenges attached to being new.

Especially without a support structure (teacher, friends, mentors, for the new; and rock solid “I love this AND I’m good at it!” breaks to collapse & revitalize in. The stuff we do before/after the pressure of school/work/whatever, especially after hard days).

You’ll GET good at this, but until you do?

- Is there something else you’re good at / enjoy that you can lean into for awhile to get some relief from all the pressure of a steep learning curve?

- Self sabotage usually has some MAJOR stress-relief built into it, so it serves multiple functions. If you look at the kind of self sabotage you’re fighting against… what benefits do those particular types you’re craving come with AND where can you source them elsewhere.
 
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