Child-self gave me body memories to deal with, now I'm numbed out. Anyone else?

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I'm thinking pinkie (child me) sent me body memories and then her being raped maybe cause she was trying to process it and she put me in her head space so maybe she didn't think she needed to send me the body memories for a bit. I think she has been trying to ease me into processing for her by giving me nightmares body memories and making me keep being in her head space by making me feel like an unsafe child. I don't really like pinkie much recently she gave me too much to deal with now my brain feels numbed out and I've lost interest in everything.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
on my own use of the inner child theories, mini-me (as i call my own inner child) is still a traumatized child and in need of parenting. i'm the only parent available to help her through. when i hate on mini-me for the things she **gives me**, i am still engaging in the self-blame which have, herstorically, been so caustic to my self-esteem.

i guess i'm encouraging you to be a bit more compassionate with pinkie. yes, traumatized children are hard to deal with and **give us** many things which aren't popular in the greeting card aisle, but healing hopes for all. no exceptions. even pinkie deserves healing patience and compassion. especially pinkie?
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
on my own use of the inner child theories, mini-me (as i call my own inner child) is still a traumatized child and in need of parenting. i'm the only parent available to help her through. when i hate on mini-me for the things she **gives me**, i am still engaging in the self-blame which have, herstorically, been so caustic to my self-esteem.

i guess i'm encouraging you to be a bit more compassionate with pinkie. yes, traumatized children are hard to deal with and **give us** many things which aren't popular in the greeting card aisle, but healing hopes for all. no exceptions. even pinkie deserves healing patience and compassion. especially pinkie?
Should I try being nice to pinkie even I don't notice her cause most of the time I don't she only really came out the whole day after I had the nightmare of her being raped and I felt like an unsafe child. Sometimes I randomly feel unsafe for no reason and I'm not sure if it's pinkie. also I know pinkie isn't technically a separate person from me but the day after the nightmare I felt like a younger scared and sad version of myself had taken over and I felt really weird. I don't know if that was a form of dissociation???? I didn't actually put this post in this place it got moved. I don't have DID so you know.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Should I try being nice to pinkie even I don't notice her cause most of the time I don't she only really came out the whole day after I had the nightmare of her being raped and I felt like an unsafe child. Sometimes I randomly feel unsafe for no reason and I'm not sure if it's pinkie. also I know pinkie isn't technically a separate person from me but the day after the nightmare I felt like a younger scared and sad version of myself had taken over and I felt really weird. I don't know if that was a form of dissociation???? I didn't actually put this post in this place it got moved. I don't have DID so you know
So, I am speaking from the DID perspective, but I think that any child "part" should be treated with care and compassion, no matter how they behave. And if you aren't aware of that part, you could still do things that she might like - videos, coloring, etc. You would be nurturing that child part of you, and it sounds like you need that.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
So, I am speaking from the DID perspective, but I think that any child "part" should be treated with care and compassion, no matter how they behave. And if you aren't aware of that part, you could still do things that she might like - videos, coloring, etc. You would be nurturing that child part of you, and it sounds like you need that.
Though I don't have did, do you think what I experience is a form of dissociation?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
I know pinkie isn't technically a separate person from me but the day after the nightmare I felt like a younger scared and sad version of myself had taken over and I felt really weird. I don't know if that was a form of dissociation????

ditto for mini-me. i get lost when i attempt to analyze and/or name the p's and q's of these psychotic episodes. flashback? dissociation? self-pity? what i do know is that proactively parenting my inner child helps me reach the most injured spots in my psyche and settles some of the meanest emotions attached. call ^it^ what you will. it helped me resolve the self-blame, guilt, etc. most often i think of working the inner child theories as a form of meditation.

but, just for the record, it was mini-me who stole those cookies. **i** am far to dignified for that.
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
I was deemed DDNOS. I had very clear 'parts' to myself. I am also co-conscious most times. I didn't get into calling these parts names. For me, it is more like I have a work part of me and a mother part of me, that's how I frame things for myself. These parts were two distinct ways of managing in situations, but still 'me'.
I came to the conclusion that my trauma came from people who didn't/don't give a shit about me. If I was going to get better then I had better get to understand how to show each of those parts what it feels like to be cared about/for. And I couldn't keep looking for that from external people.

So, self care it is. Whether I understand what the 'part' of me is doing or not. Compassion. Self care. In my opinion, it is the only way out of trauma. Each of our parts need to know that there is care, love, respect and concern that it can ground to. Only way I know of how to do that is providing it for each part of me, myself.
 

Charbella

Confident
I hope I get to the point you guys are at that I can just roll with what they send me.

For the record I admire your compassion because I do not consider body memories to be easing me in.

I think of it as throwing me in shark infested waters after applying some cuts and throwing in some chum. Mines been doing it lately to and I am not her number one fan. Also I’m not DID either but processing childhood trauma can sure make you feel like it.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
I hope I get to the point you guys are at that I can just roll with what they send me.

there is nothing justy about rolling with the memories of childhood trauma. for me, it is **merely** the lesser poison. trying to ignore those memories out of existence was even less justy than processing the actual events. i would still **just get over ^it^** if i still believed i could.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I hope I get to the point you guys are at that I can just roll with what they send me.

For the record I admire your compassion because I do not consider body memories to be easing me in.

I think of it as throwing me in shark infested waters after applying some cuts and throwing in some chum. Mines been doing it lately to and I am not her number one fan. Also I’m not DID either but processing childhood trauma can sure make you feel like it.
I haven't been getting body memories very recently, I've only been getting rape and assault nightmares which I think are related to past abuse either cause my brains just making up assault situations or cause g really did rape pinkie (child me). Personally I don't feel like I just roll with body memories though. They make me feel really uncomfortable and make it difficult to concentrate on things. And I have cut down there when my vagina kept throbbing.
 
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