Sufferer Childhood trauma, parent, partner, treehugger

I once hugged a tree which made me so happy I laughed hysterically with tears of joy, I watched my tears roll down my face & fall into the trees roots.

It was one of the most remarkable moments of my experience being a human being.

I can't stop thinking about that moment.

Now, what to say at this moment....

Hi. I am a parent, a partner, a treehugger.
I've been struggling to see the trees.
When I can't see the trees, I can't be me.


I've been repeatedly blindsided by the trauma I endured throughout my childhood. My son started kindergarten this year, I went no contact with my immediate family and I was able to begin to process it all. It's relentless.

I'm scheduled to start IOP. My last therapist terminated me because of my anger, the last last one I triggered. Can't seem to get help, even though everyone is telling me I need to get help. I've been trying to get suitable mental health care for the last five years really, but most intense need has been since August. Still trying. IOP isn't even in person, no options for alternative therapy (art/movement/anyyything) other than ZOOM video. Tired of needing help when the help is lacking so severely. I'm just tired. A customary feature of living life in the Slough of Despond.

I'm sure I'll spend time poring over the stories and experiences shared here.
Hope to meet some of you in the forum sometime. ✌️ oth.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Hi @oregontreehugger, and welcome to the forum. I've updated your thread title with a different sentence from your post, and I hope that's OK by you. If you have questions about how the forum works, or want to discuss that decision, you can reach out to our volunteer staff by posting to Contact Us.
IOP isn't even in person, no options for alternative therapy (art/movement/anyyything) other than ZOOM video.
I'm sorry that's the situation in your area. Hopefully it'll change soon. And hoping the forum provides some useful peer support for you as well.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello from a fellow tree hugger, treehugger. i was a bookworm in a white trash family and didn't feel safe reading at home, so i often climbed trees to find reading perches to hide in. my favorites were fruit trees which would hold, rock and nourish me, simultaneously. one apple tree, in particular, felt more like a parent to me than either of my parents were. i am not especially rational about trees. don't you hurt my mama. . . my papa, neither. . .

anyhoo. . .

gentle empathy on the difficulty of finding a solid therapy fit. if only it was at easy as the people who keep telling me, "JUST GET HELP! ! !" make it sound. yo! ! ! justinator! ! ! do you happen to have a phone number on you? sigh. . .

an active, diverse and well-oiled peer support network is my own lifeline in that challenge. on-line forums such as this one as well as live support groups such as alanon, parenting support, grief support, etc are where i do most of my therapy work, whether i am currently with a pro or not. when i am working with a pro, it is typically my peer supporters who help me put their psychobabble to work in my daily life.

i hope you'll feel safe to make this forum part of your therapy network, treehugger. welcome aboard.
 

werewolfjay

New Here
Hello and welcome!

I definitely also recommend online/offline support groups! It’s amazing what you can get out of just talking to people who have similar feelings and experiences. Check out local ones first but also online isn’t a bad option either if none are nearby.
 

caroline_13

Confident
I once hugged a tree which made me so happy I laughed hysterically with tears of joy, I watched my tears roll down my face & fall into the trees roots.

It was one of the most remarkable moments of my experience being a human being.

I can't stop thinking about that moment.

My last therapist terminated me because of my anger, the last last one I triggered. Can't seem to get help, even though everyone is telling me I need to get help.
Talk therapy is really hard for me. EMDR is not enough. I feel like I need violent therapy and have never found this.

Now, I do a sport that is very painful, (and beautiful): I love it.

The tears can seem like not enough, but over time I think it's all the tears cried that help dampen down the anger.

I get your frustration and your journey.
 
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