Sufferer Childhood trauma, starting EMDR

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, and am diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood sexual abuse. I'm starting EDMR treatment now, and my therapist says it'll be a really tough period, with lots of re-triggered memories etc. He advised me to find a community or online forum as a sort of additional support/resource during this time.

Personally I'd love to find a safe space online, where I don't have to feel like I'm going through this alone. I feel a lot of confusion because I don't trust my memories, and there's a lot of shame and self-blame (as well as anger towards my parents who should have protected me). I'm not sure if my PTSD coping mechanisms and avoidance caused this, but something just...got to be too much maybe(?) and my physical body kind of ... crumpled recently. I got very physically ill (extreme fatigue, headaches, nausea, dizziness - even chest pains), and some of my doctors think it's directly related to my PTSD.

I'm apprehensive about feeling so physically weak going into EMDR. And I'm also afraid of actually having to stop or let go of my long-term coping mechanisms that managed to get me this far in life (early 30's). One particular coping strategy has been to shut down my emotional feelings and process or communicate things in an almost mechanically rational way. Logical reasoning has been my security blanket, but I know that will be challenged again and again during EMDR. And I don't like that.

So - yeah, I'm hoping I can start to be less "rational" and more emotionally available in this community. And I'm hoping that I can share my experiences with others who "get it".
 

Teamwork

MyPTSD Pro
Hello and welcome. A lot of people use the book the, The Body Keeps the Score, or When the Body says No. I too have a lot of physical issues but have not come to a place of saying or accepting that it is related to childhood trauma, ongoing. I don’t know why that is though. My psychologist really would like to connect with my gp but i wont give permission because I feel like it would become more about mental health than physical. So in that respect I keep them separate even though I understand there is a link. EMDR is a tough go but really works if the pace is right, so be an advocate for yourself on that one. If the days after are getting out of control let him know so he can slow it down.
 

Charlottemx

New Here
hello wow I am going through a lot of the same things. I have just started to uncover memories . I am ill mentally debilitating anxiety. The anti depressants are not really working I take Xanax sometimes but don/t want to get dependent. I did a session with astrology a healer and she recommended a book Courage to Heal. I started it but feel so traumatized. I am 60 my parents are gone. I too was recommended EMDR but haven't done it yet since not really sure of the memories. I wish we had a online therapy group on zoom. I feel alone and very debilitated too you are not alone
 

favorwithgod

New Here
hello wow I am going through a lot of the same things. I have just started to uncover memories . I am ill mentally debilitating anxiety. The anti depressants are not really working I take Xanax sometimes but don/t want to get dependent. I did a session with astrology a healer and she recommended a book Courage to Heal. I started it but feel so traumatized. I am 60 my parents are gone. I too was recommended EMDR but haven't done it yet since not really sure of the memories. I wish we had a online therapy group on zoom. I feel alone and very debilitated too you are not alone
Hi. There is a website called "Meetup" that has thousands of groups that meet on Zoom. I'm sure you can find on that suits your needs. God Bless.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
I'm new here, and am diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood sexual abuse. I'm starting EDMR treatment now, and my therapist says it'll be a really tough period, with lots of re-triggered memories etc. He advised me to find a community or online forum as a sort of additional support/resource during this time.
Welcome to a great place for support. It's doubtful there is anywhere you are going to go someone on here hasn't already gone.

The first thing I would suggest is to go to the Articles on the blue bar at the top and read the Stress Cup article. It's a great place to start and it makes the hard stuff easier.
 
Hello and welcome. A lot of people use the book the, The Body Keeps the Score, or When the Body says No. I too have a lot of physical issues but have not come to a place of saying or accepting that it is related to childhood trauma, ongoing. I don’t know why that is though. My psychologist really would like to connect with my gp but i wont give permission because I feel like it would become more about mental health than physical. So in that respect I keep them separate even though I understand there is a link. EMDR is a tough go but really works if the pace is right, so be an advocate for yourself on that one. If the days after are getting out of control let him know so he can slow it down.
Hi - thanks for the welcome, the advice and the book suggestions. I know what you mean. I spent about 8 months resisting the idea that my physical issues could be linked to my childhood trauma, and kept my psychologist separate to my gp as well. I was worried that they'd treat it like a mental health or burnout issue rather than a physical one. I didn't trust that they'd treat it as seriously if they put me in the "mental health" box. One specialist said I may have CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome). I was way more willing to accept this "physical" diagnosis compared to the "mental health" one.
I know at some point I needed to accept the link, but lately I've been thinking it's perfectly ok that I didn't accept it sooner. Even when doctors assure us that they have our best interests at heart, it's also about what we're ready for. We did what we had to do to protect ourselves and stay safe - even if that includes being avoidant. In the past I've had therapists basically say "your coping mechanisms are unhealthy so --- y'know, just stop it". Wasn't exactly helpful, compared to my EMDR therapist saying in our first session "if you want to avoid something, then that's perfectly ok. It helps you feel safe. Take your time, and don't push yourself to do anything you don't want to do".

I'm mentally preparing myself for the toughness of EMDR, but am also very excited to finally get treated for something that's apparently been simmering in my mind (and body) for so long.
 
Welcome to a great place for support. It's doubtful there is anywhere you are going to go someone on here hasn't already gone.

The first thing I would suggest is to go to the Articles on the blue bar at the top and read the Stress Cup article. It's a great place to start and it makes the hard stuff easier.
Thanks! I just read about the Stress Cup and it makes a lot of sense. I'm liking the Articles section :)

hello wow I am going through a lot of the same things. I have just started to uncover memories . I am ill mentally debilitating anxiety. The anti depressants are not really working I take Xanax sometimes but don/t want to get dependent. I did a session with astrology a healer and she recommended a book Courage to Heal. I started it but feel so traumatized. I am 60 my parents are gone. I too was recommended EMDR but haven't done it yet since not really sure of the memories. I wish we had a online therapy group on zoom. I feel alone and very debilitated too you are not alone
Thanks, Charlottemx - and I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this too. It'll be a long and difficult process, but I'm optimistic that we'll get to the other side of this, look back, and feel that much stronger.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks! I just read about the Stress Cup and it makes a lot of sense. I'm liking the Articles section :)
Good. Stress cup and grounding will really help when you are doing EMDR. Stuff just shakes loose from memory when you are doing EMDR and there is no way to prepare so mitigating when it happens is very helpful.
 
Just want to say by the way - it's only been a few weeks but I'm grateful to myPTSD.com already. People here really do seem to "get it". I know it must be no surprise for the regulars here, but I was originally so unsure about participating in an online forum. It means a lot that so many people are this warm, welcoming, and willing to share their advice and experiences. Thank you so much all! I'm looking forward to many more interactions, and I hope to give back just as much :)
 
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