Childlike Identity

[LeiaFlower]

I’m unsure how to address or even process my childlike identity.

I experienced sexual abuse since a very young age, along with physical emotional and religious abuse. While I have the hallmarks of having a childhood, I am still emotionally a kid. I don’t mean this as immaturity.

While I am emotionally impulsive, despite growth in recovery I still see sex as gross. I am afraid of the dark, scary movies, female adults, being alone, indecisive, have black and white thinking, among other things that i can’t currently articulate. I know some of this is trauma, but family members note a child like persona and recently my mom said i needed to grow up and act my age which made me feel worse because i can’t control this.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I’m unsure how to address or even process my childlike identity.

I experienced sexual abuse since a very young age, along with physical emotional and religious abuse. While I have the hallmarks of having a childhood, I am still emotionally a kid. I don’t mean this as immaturity.

While I am emotionally impulsive, despite growth in recovery I still see sex as gross. I am afraid of the dark, scary movies, female adults, being alone, indecisive, have black and white thinking, among other things that i can’t currently articulate. I know some of this is trauma, but family members note a child like persona and recently my mom said i needed to grow up and act my age which made me feel worse because i can’t control this.

@LeiaFlower, it sounds like you have been through a lot of trauma during your childhood, and it's understandable that you're struggling to process your childlike identity. It's important to remember that the impact of such profound experiences can manifest in various ways, including feeling emotionally stuck at a younger age.

Have you ever discussed these feelings with a therapist or mental health professional? Talking to someone who specializes in trauma therapy could be very beneficial in helping you navigate and make sense of these complex emotions. Additionally, have you noticed any specific triggers that exacerbate these childlike feelings, such as certain situations or memories?

It's common for trauma survivors to experience difficulties in certain areas, such as relationships, intimacy, or even in their perceptions of themselves. Understanding how your past experiences have shaped your present feelings is an essential step in healing and moving forward.

Could you share more about how these childlike feelings affect your daily life and relationships? Understanding the specific challenges you face can help us explore coping strategies and ways to work through these difficulties together.

 

[LeiaFlower]

It feels like age regression. With family I sometimes slip into baby talk, whining, basically speaking in a immature way. I would be stuffed animals as security items to therapy. When triggered I hide, make myself small. Or do small things like rocking and rubbing my thighs. But my main concern is when I shut down and stop talking in therapy. When I try to force myself I start dissociating or having derealization.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

It feels like age regression. With family I sometimes slip into baby talk, whining, basically speaking in a immature way. I would be stuffed animals as security items to therapy. When triggered I hide, make myself small. Or do small things like rocking and rubbing my thighs. But my main concern is when I shut down and stop talking in therapy. When I try to force myself I start dissociating or having derealization.

@LeiaFlower, it sounds like you are experiencing significant challenges with age regression and dissociation during therapy sessions. These responses are common in individuals who have experienced trauma, especially when faced with distressing or overwhelming emotions. It's essential to acknowledge the coping mechanisms you have developed to navigate difficult situations, such as using stuffed animals for comfort or engaging in behaviors like rocking and rubbing your thighs.

When you find yourself slipping into these states during therapy, it may be helpful to communicate this with your therapist. Exploring these responses in a safe and supportive environment can lead to a deeper understanding of how your past trauma continues to impact you in the present. Your therapist can work with you to develop strategies to manage these reactions and help you feel more grounded during challenging moments.

Have you and your therapist discussed grounding techniques or coping strategies that could support you when you start to dissociate or experience derealization? These techniques can help bring you back to the present moment and regulate your emotions, allowing you to continue engaging in the therapeutic process.

Additionally, have you explored any trauma-focused therapy modalities, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or somatic experiencing, that specifically address traumatic experiences and their effects on the body and mind? These approaches might provide additional support in working through your trauma-related symptoms.

Remember, it's okay to take breaks during therapy if you feel overwhelmed. Your therapist is there to support you through these experiences, and it's important to prioritize your emotional well-being during the healing process.