Wanderlust
New Here
Hello
I am new to this forum and I could use some support. I have been in a serious relationship with a man who suffers from PTSD and a TBI for almost a year. We both fell in love with each other pretty fast despite my concerns about his disclosed mental health and his two previous failed marriages. We both felt like we had found "the one" and everything was great. It got really serious very quick in that I met his child, he met my family and all my friends and everyone adored him. I felt like I had found my soulmate and the love I had always looked for. He treated me so good and was crazy about me. Until about two months into the relationship, he started pulling away for unknown reasons, started calling less and less, telling me he "couldn't do this right now". This lasted for weeks, with him sporadically answering my desperate texts, sometimes telling me he missed me and that he would always love me. It wasn't until several weeks later that he reached out to me, telling me he was not doing well, was in a very dark place, and requested to meet up the next day. We met, he cried, he apologized, he never meant to hurt me, he pushes people away when he gets depressed, he got really sick due to his TBI, he doesn't want to be a burden, he had so much going on, he didn't want me to see him like this, etc. We cried, we talked a lot, and reconciled. Everything went back to normal and we continued to be in love.
Every day he told me how perfect I was for him and how nobody understood him like I did. That I was the one for him and he was so happy his kid loved me so much. He started opening up to me more, which had been hard for him.
Then a couple months later, it happened again! He took a comment I made the wrong way, blew it out of proportion and started telling me it was not going to work, and disappeared again. I basically begged him not to do this to me again, that he should talk to me instead of pushing me away, etc. He did not want to hear it. He was very apologetic but shut me down completely. Until a couple weeks later, when he texted me out of the blue, being suicidal. Long story short, he ended up committed, I was by his side thru the whole thing, he again apologized, cried, showed remorse, told me he tends to take little things and blow them out of proportion, that when he gets scared he runs, etc etc. We had a very long talk about him getting better before anything else, and he begged me to stay with him, that it would not happen again, etc etc. I decided to believe him and stick by his side again, as I care very much for this man and believed he was the love of my life. Well again, everything went back to normal, I had my walls up a bit, but he continued to love me like no one ever did before, being so caring, and really a good human being.
Then a couple months later, a few weeks before Christmas, he started being more distant with me, but nothing major. I asked him a couple of times if something was wrong, he reassured me he was just very stressed but that WE were fine. Then a couple days after spending Christmas together with my family and his kid, he dropped the bomb to me that he didn't know how it was going to work out between us. I asked if he was trying to break up with me, and his answer was "why do you always think the worse? no." Then after a couple days of him continually bringing this up and me crying and asking him not to do this again, to talk things out with me and not push me, me trying to reassure him that I was safe, and not dangerous, etc etc, he left me again.
Does anyone else go through chronic break ups like this? It has now been three times in less than a year. I am not sure if he will come back this time. I am unsure if this is another "episode" that he is going thru, or if he is really done this time. I am so confused. I understand PTSD sufferers push the ones they love, I understand the whole "fight or flight". I am curious to hear about others going through the same. Do they always come back? What makes them come back? How do they come to the realization of what they have done was not right ? Do they remember everything during their "episodes"? What are most people's triggers? We rarely argue, we barely had one fight ever, we get along so well, and I can't seem to figure out what triggers these break ups. He has told me before he is scared and when he is scared, he runs. But how can I make sure he does not see me as dangerous?
I love this man to death. I saw a future with him and from what he has always told me, I was the one for him. I care about him more than I can explain and my heart is completely broken.
I am new to this forum and I could use some support. I have been in a serious relationship with a man who suffers from PTSD and a TBI for almost a year. We both fell in love with each other pretty fast despite my concerns about his disclosed mental health and his two previous failed marriages. We both felt like we had found "the one" and everything was great. It got really serious very quick in that I met his child, he met my family and all my friends and everyone adored him. I felt like I had found my soulmate and the love I had always looked for. He treated me so good and was crazy about me. Until about two months into the relationship, he started pulling away for unknown reasons, started calling less and less, telling me he "couldn't do this right now". This lasted for weeks, with him sporadically answering my desperate texts, sometimes telling me he missed me and that he would always love me. It wasn't until several weeks later that he reached out to me, telling me he was not doing well, was in a very dark place, and requested to meet up the next day. We met, he cried, he apologized, he never meant to hurt me, he pushes people away when he gets depressed, he got really sick due to his TBI, he doesn't want to be a burden, he had so much going on, he didn't want me to see him like this, etc. We cried, we talked a lot, and reconciled. Everything went back to normal and we continued to be in love.
Every day he told me how perfect I was for him and how nobody understood him like I did. That I was the one for him and he was so happy his kid loved me so much. He started opening up to me more, which had been hard for him.
Then a couple months later, it happened again! He took a comment I made the wrong way, blew it out of proportion and started telling me it was not going to work, and disappeared again. I basically begged him not to do this to me again, that he should talk to me instead of pushing me away, etc. He did not want to hear it. He was very apologetic but shut me down completely. Until a couple weeks later, when he texted me out of the blue, being suicidal. Long story short, he ended up committed, I was by his side thru the whole thing, he again apologized, cried, showed remorse, told me he tends to take little things and blow them out of proportion, that when he gets scared he runs, etc etc. We had a very long talk about him getting better before anything else, and he begged me to stay with him, that it would not happen again, etc etc. I decided to believe him and stick by his side again, as I care very much for this man and believed he was the love of my life. Well again, everything went back to normal, I had my walls up a bit, but he continued to love me like no one ever did before, being so caring, and really a good human being.
Then a couple months later, a few weeks before Christmas, he started being more distant with me, but nothing major. I asked him a couple of times if something was wrong, he reassured me he was just very stressed but that WE were fine. Then a couple days after spending Christmas together with my family and his kid, he dropped the bomb to me that he didn't know how it was going to work out between us. I asked if he was trying to break up with me, and his answer was "why do you always think the worse? no." Then after a couple days of him continually bringing this up and me crying and asking him not to do this again, to talk things out with me and not push me, me trying to reassure him that I was safe, and not dangerous, etc etc, he left me again.
Does anyone else go through chronic break ups like this? It has now been three times in less than a year. I am not sure if he will come back this time. I am unsure if this is another "episode" that he is going thru, or if he is really done this time. I am so confused. I understand PTSD sufferers push the ones they love, I understand the whole "fight or flight". I am curious to hear about others going through the same. Do they always come back? What makes them come back? How do they come to the realization of what they have done was not right ? Do they remember everything during their "episodes"? What are most people's triggers? We rarely argue, we barely had one fight ever, we get along so well, and I can't seem to figure out what triggers these break ups. He has told me before he is scared and when he is scared, he runs. But how can I make sure he does not see me as dangerous?
I love this man to death. I saw a future with him and from what he has always told me, I was the one for him. I care about him more than I can explain and my heart is completely broken.