Killashandra
Silver Member
I need some help, I have a chronic need for being sneaky, and I do mean Chronic.
it usually centres around sexual acts, this includes but not exclusively, cheating, posting online, talking to guys online, sharing pictures etc.
It also stems to other quite normal things, like hiding lollies, spending money, retail therapy, friendships...
One of my current shameful acts is im trying to lose weight and i have paid good money for injections but i have lollies stashed in my room, which really defeats the purpose of the injections...
I am asking for help to open a discussion on what occurs in childhood to warrant such actions as adults.
Is it a part of PTSD? CPTSD? ADHD?
Sneakiness is an act of Avoidance, being sneaky comes down to " doing something that others would know you shouldn't be doing" or " fear of being recognized as being a Bad Person "
WE all have alot of internal struggles that stem from PTSD, I am slowly working through some more distasteful Coping Mechanisms but have avoided my incessant need to be private. This is a major issue i need to deal with to move on with my life with my husband.
I am viciously defendant when it comes to my phone, i say i value privacy but this is probably because i have things i need to hide. but why do i need to keep it private? why am i so scared to be honest and open? why cant i be open and discuss stuff with my husband? is this becasue i have a deep desire to always look like a good person, when deep down i know im not?
I have only just recently came to the realisation that i am actually an adult and i can and do have a say in my life, i can say No if i want. i dont need approval. ( major hurdles ) I have for the first real time in my life taken responsiblity for my actions and have tried very hard not to blame my loved ones for my actions. ie blaming my husband for my spending or blaming him for how i feel.
I actually do feel more like a adult than ever before.
But
I cant seem to stop being sneaky and private, if i cease being sneaky in one way, i find another way to do it, perhaps not as damaging as previous ones but sneaky none the less. This drives my huisband insane, so much so that our relationship has moved from Husband and Wife to housemates, He no longer want to invest emotionally in me as each time he does I betray him and its him that suffers for it, not me.
Does anyone else have to deal with this? what is your experience?
i have my psychologist tomorrow so this will be the topic of discussion to see if we can move this sabotaging behaviour
it usually centres around sexual acts, this includes but not exclusively, cheating, posting online, talking to guys online, sharing pictures etc.
It also stems to other quite normal things, like hiding lollies, spending money, retail therapy, friendships...
One of my current shameful acts is im trying to lose weight and i have paid good money for injections but i have lollies stashed in my room, which really defeats the purpose of the injections...
I am asking for help to open a discussion on what occurs in childhood to warrant such actions as adults.
Is it a part of PTSD? CPTSD? ADHD?
Sneakiness is an act of Avoidance, being sneaky comes down to " doing something that others would know you shouldn't be doing" or " fear of being recognized as being a Bad Person "
WE all have alot of internal struggles that stem from PTSD, I am slowly working through some more distasteful Coping Mechanisms but have avoided my incessant need to be private. This is a major issue i need to deal with to move on with my life with my husband.
I am viciously defendant when it comes to my phone, i say i value privacy but this is probably because i have things i need to hide. but why do i need to keep it private? why am i so scared to be honest and open? why cant i be open and discuss stuff with my husband? is this becasue i have a deep desire to always look like a good person, when deep down i know im not?
I have only just recently came to the realisation that i am actually an adult and i can and do have a say in my life, i can say No if i want. i dont need approval. ( major hurdles ) I have for the first real time in my life taken responsiblity for my actions and have tried very hard not to blame my loved ones for my actions. ie blaming my husband for my spending or blaming him for how i feel.
I actually do feel more like a adult than ever before.
But
I cant seem to stop being sneaky and private, if i cease being sneaky in one way, i find another way to do it, perhaps not as damaging as previous ones but sneaky none the less. This drives my huisband insane, so much so that our relationship has moved from Husband and Wife to housemates, He no longer want to invest emotionally in me as each time he does I betray him and its him that suffers for it, not me.
Does anyone else have to deal with this? what is your experience?
i have my psychologist tomorrow so this will be the topic of discussion to see if we can move this sabotaging behaviour