Apple-nacho1
New Here
When I was in first grade, my neighbor told me that she wanted to show me something. I trusted her because she was friends with my sisters and she’s also the older sister of my friend. She was a high schooler.
She took me a dark room. She tied my hair and undressed me. Then she wrapped a towel around me and told me to lay on the ground. I did but I was confused. She told me that this was playing but I can’t tell anyone about it. She got on top of me and rub her private part on mine (going back and forth. No penetration). She kissed me and my neck. After 10 minutes or so she told me to put my clothes on and told me to not tell anyone.
I can’t remember if it happened one more time again after that. But that was the first and only time I remember.
I thought that was normal and it was playing. I learned that doing what she did felt good which now I realized it was an orgasm. I started doing it to my neighbor friend (2 times). She was a year younger than me. Her parents weren’t home. I asked her if she wanted to play and she said yes. We got naked and I lay on top of her and did what high schooler girl did. The second time her brother walked in on us. We got dressed. I went home and I was too scared to ever go there again.
After that, there was my niece. We were the same age. Whenever I go over. We play house and we locked the door. I get on top of her and we just make out for a few minutes. It happened less than 5 times. She started doing it to my younger niece. They got caught by their grandma (my sister’s MIL). My younger niece told them that they were having sex. I heard my sister yelling out mom about it. That’s when I learned the term sex.
I grew out of it. I felt disgusted and shame. Everything started feeling like a big dark secret I carried.
Sometimes I get random flashbacks about what the high schooler did to me and what I did my neighbor and my niece. I still feel a lot of disgust, guilt, and shame of myself. I hate myself. I feel like I do not deserve to be love at all.
She took me a dark room. She tied my hair and undressed me. Then she wrapped a towel around me and told me to lay on the ground. I did but I was confused. She told me that this was playing but I can’t tell anyone about it. She got on top of me and rub her private part on mine (going back and forth. No penetration). She kissed me and my neck. After 10 minutes or so she told me to put my clothes on and told me to not tell anyone.
I can’t remember if it happened one more time again after that. But that was the first and only time I remember.
I thought that was normal and it was playing. I learned that doing what she did felt good which now I realized it was an orgasm. I started doing it to my neighbor friend (2 times). She was a year younger than me. Her parents weren’t home. I asked her if she wanted to play and she said yes. We got naked and I lay on top of her and did what high schooler girl did. The second time her brother walked in on us. We got dressed. I went home and I was too scared to ever go there again.
After that, there was my niece. We were the same age. Whenever I go over. We play house and we locked the door. I get on top of her and we just make out for a few minutes. It happened less than 5 times. She started doing it to my younger niece. They got caught by their grandma (my sister’s MIL). My younger niece told them that they were having sex. I heard my sister yelling out mom about it. That’s when I learned the term sex.
I grew out of it. I felt disgusted and shame. Everything started feeling like a big dark secret I carried.
Sometimes I get random flashbacks about what the high schooler did to me and what I did my neighbor and my niece. I still feel a lot of disgust, guilt, and shame of myself. I hate myself. I feel like I do not deserve to be love at all.