AdamKadmon
New Here
Like many here it seems, I've had really codependent behaviors for much of my life. Even when I've tried to deal with it and stop doing it, I somehow end up doing it anyway (or at least it's twisted around to appear that way).
So my question is: how is it even possible to live with a CPTSD sufferer like my wife and NOT be codependent. Often lately I HAVE to put her needs before mine, either because she's suicidal, suffering more than I am, or just to keep an uneasy peace if I know it's a bad time to engage in a discussion. So it ends up that MY issues with the relationship always have to be swept under the rug - always being blamed for random things I never said or did, being treated as a surrogate for her perp mother, the pessimism, general unhappiness, the lack of trust, the devastating marathon arguments etc. All this creates in me a massive amount of anxiety, insomnia, and borderline panic - but none of that matters because her mental health is worse, dangerous, and needs to always be put first.
My wife is very aware of my codependence and regularly points it out in relation to my family (bailing them out, etc.). But she doesn't seem to see that SHE is the main codependence trigger in my life. I've dealt with the family stuff, but her CPTSD is ever-present and inescapable lately. Is there any way to NOT be codependent in a relationship like this? Is there any way for me to stay healthy in it?
So my question is: how is it even possible to live with a CPTSD sufferer like my wife and NOT be codependent. Often lately I HAVE to put her needs before mine, either because she's suicidal, suffering more than I am, or just to keep an uneasy peace if I know it's a bad time to engage in a discussion. So it ends up that MY issues with the relationship always have to be swept under the rug - always being blamed for random things I never said or did, being treated as a surrogate for her perp mother, the pessimism, general unhappiness, the lack of trust, the devastating marathon arguments etc. All this creates in me a massive amount of anxiety, insomnia, and borderline panic - but none of that matters because her mental health is worse, dangerous, and needs to always be put first.
My wife is very aware of my codependence and regularly points it out in relation to my family (bailing them out, etc.). But she doesn't seem to see that SHE is the main codependence trigger in my life. I've dealt with the family stuff, but her CPTSD is ever-present and inescapable lately. Is there any way to NOT be codependent in a relationship like this? Is there any way for me to stay healthy in it?