Comfort Ideas For A Friend

[Forgetful]

I have previously posted about my best friend who has terminal cancer. I met her when I was 12 (I'm 50 now) when my family moved from USA to England. We moved back to US 4 years later. I last saw her when I was 26. We have remained best friends and have kept in touch.

She is now in a hospice care facility.
Visiting her isn't possible because I can't get on a plane due to panic attacks. We can't communicate while she's there so I don't know how long, if at all when I can talk to again.

I would like to send her a comfort care package. Does anyone have any suggestions? I sent her sister a message asking the same question but she hasn't replied

I'm having trouble accepting her dying and it is causing increased zoning out and MDD symptoms. I'm hoping that sending a package will not only cheer her up but can help me knowing I've done something for her.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm very sorry @Snafu . :(

Possibly(?), an electric candle, music she loves or you loved together, photographs & happy pictures (present ones), a body pillow or something very soft she can snuggle with- blanket or stuffed animal. I would say, most of all, a handwritten note telling her how much you love her.

Just ideas. :notworthy:

 

[Forgetful]

Thank you Junebug. Good ideas especially the hand written note. For some reason I hadn't even thought about that.

 

[Tinyflame]

You know, I would really just be yourself. You know what she'd find funny, loves, etc.

People aren't that different at those times. The difference is in discomfort (pain, & pain of weight loss), intolerance to smells/ loud sounds etc. Etc.Likely also spending most time in bed or chair, lots of time sleeping, low energy level. But people really still want to be included the same, treated the same, laugh. (Even a funny, easy to read/ see book like short comics is ok. Or an audio tape of yourself. But the note can be read privately or 'held').

You are a wonderful friend. :inlove: I'm sorry, it's heart-breaking for you too.

 

[jaccat]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Different circumstances, but earlier this year I made up a care package for a friend who was going into hospital for an operation. Mine included a box of luxury biscuits, a kilner jar of chocolate fudge (made by me), a puzzle book, and a teddybear (squeezed in so its feet popped out when she opened the box). She was in recovery for a specific time so I also included a set of cards. Inside each card I put a poem and a quote, a mix of serious and humour, one for her to open each day. The last poem I wrote myself and it was all about how grateful I was for our friendship, and listed some of the crazy things we've been through over the years. She absolutely loved it, so much she cried.

Obviously my care package was based around our friendship and the things we love, and might not be suitable for you at all, but I hope it helps give you some ideas.

 

[Forgetful]

@jaccat thank you for the ideas. I especially like the set of cards

 

[TXbandit]

I am so sorry to hear of your dear friends condition. :hug:s if you accept.

@Junebug and @jaccat have some great ideas! Do you know if she is able to have access to a portable DVD player? If so, maybe send her some of her favorite DVDs or a new movie she has been wanting to see. Comfy, plush socks, a soft beanie, plush blanket, lip balms, hard candies or gum. Adult coloring books might be nice and give her something to do. Crossword puzzles, books or magazines with tons of pictures or art.

Sending many blessings and well wishes to you and your dear friend.

 

[Forgetful]

@TXbandit thank you for your suggestions. You've given me some good ideas.

Thank you all. I will be using.some from each of you. Thank you for all the kind words.

Another question. I'm not sure if I should ask her or not. She will be cremated. Would it.be.creepy to ask for a little of the ashes? Any ideas of how/if I should ask?

 

[TXbandit]

You are more than welcome, hun.

My friend passed this summer and I asked his Dad if it would be ok if I had some of his ashes. He had been my best buddy for over 18 years. I asked after most had left and had really broke down. His Dad comforted me and I just blurted it out. Not the best way but....

I don't think there is a easy way to ask for something like that. I think talking to your friend about it and expressing to her that it would mean so much to you to have them would help. She can also tell whom ever is going to be in charge of her ceremony(?) and ashes to keep some for you. Might look up the appropriate way or rather, polite way to ask? I wish I could be of more help on that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes could you ask the family instead? She's likely concentrating on living atm, if that makes sense.

 

[Forgetful]

Thank you @TXbandit for sharing that. Now I don't feel as creepy, knowing someone else did the same.
And thank you @Junebug for that suggestion. I have her sister on FB because she's the one who will be telling me after she has passed. I will send her a private message when I get the.courage and figure out the right words.