Comfortable Lonely Island?

[Sabine_91]

Hi, this is my first post.. I'm glad I've found a place where I think people probably will understand me and maybe give me handles for dealing with ptsd. I'm sorry for my poor use of words sometimes, English is not my first language because I'm from the Netherlands.

I'm feeling very alone the last couple of months, last week I had a little bit of a breakdown because my boyfriend (who I'm with for like 3 years) went over to his friends and I had to stay home because it was a boys night. Which I totally understand and I give him a lot of space. But I just get this feeling of jealousy and I feel so alone and unwanted at times like that.

I tried to explain to him how hard it is for me to trust people, I always feel so torn between wanting friend but then not wanting people to come to close to me.. he doesn't understand at all. Which makes me feel even more alone.. so I smoke a lot of weed to numb myself. I don't like to go outside a lot and I haven't been riding my car in ages :( I feel like I'm on an island, a very comfortable island, but a very lonely one.. I hope you know what I mean.

Do any of you feel this way and how do you handle it? My boyfriend is at soccer practice right now and having beers afterwards.. I just feel so jealous and angry, but why? Why can't I have friends like him, why can't I let anyone in :(

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums!!! :)

Yes. I very much know what you mean with wanting 2 equal and opposite things. Like friends & being alone // comfortable & lonely // trust issues in spades.

I have actually managed it from time to time; a vibrant social life, while also having perfect alone time.

A big part of getting there is recognizing exactly what it is I'm missing, and what I want, and obstacles to what I want... just as you have:

- going outside
- riding in my car
- friends
- a social life
- trust
- comfortable

Then going after each and every single one. If I'm comfortable but lonely? It's time to get a little uncomfortable. I will always have my comforts to return home to (as long as I set things up that way... So, like, meeting friends elsewhere to keep home a sanctuary), so I can choose to be uncomfortable for short periods of time, knowing that it's only temporary.

I work my way backwards, from the end result I want, all the way back to the first steps.

If I want a social life? I need friends. If I need friends? I need to meet people. If I need to meet people? I need to go outside. If I need to go outside?... Okay. What's stopping me, there? And start working on that.

From there I can start working on the bigger things (trust & comfort) as well. Okay... How do I build trust? How can I make this horribly uncomfortable thing comfy? What steps can I take, as I'm walking this oath, to change things to how I want them?

What do I need? What do I want?

And then systematically go after them!

 

[Sabine_91]

Thank you :) you're right.. I should take advantage of the moments where I feel comfortable and maybe push my boundaries on things that I have trouble with.. knowing I can fall back on the things that áre going right..