Sufferer Coming To Life - Dx’d after dropping out of college 7 years ago. Now returning to school & doubting myself.

sarahb3

New Here
Hey Guys,
My name is Sarah and I'm 28 years and have been suffering from PTSD for about 20 years, I was diagnosed after I had to drop out of college because I couldn't handle it. Now after years of healing, I start back at college tomorrow. I'm terrified. When I was at my worst, I couldn't think, I couldn't process anything. I've gotten so much better in the seven years since I dropped out, but I find I keep doubting myself.

I've been through a lot of terrible experiences but I've found the hardest part of everything is learning to be happy and thrive. It is hard for me to be optimistic and believe in myself. But I don't want to be scared anymore. I've gotten myself to a point where people don't see me as being "mentally ill" but as someone who is boring and just doesn't do much. While this is a huge step from where I was, its hard that people can't see where I was and how much progress I've made.

This is my first step. It is a huge step for me (I've rewritten this about 20 times) and I'll have to force myself not to delete it. I really look forward to this experience and hope I stick to it :)
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome here! I completely relate with the fear of being identified as boring and perhaps lazy or broken in a sense of another. Congrats for starting college again, that's certainly something challenging.

If it can help, you don't need to fill the desire of being "happy". It depends of what you mean. It isn't really a goal, it's about being here as you are, and being okay. A lot of work, certainly a big journey. I also suffered with PTSD my entire life to the point I didn't even know I was feeling things differently than others. Anyway I've spoken enough of me! This is your journey and your discovery. Healing has many good sides in its difficult moments. Glad to have you here :-)
 
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