Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
Something I really struggle with with both jobs, appearance and almost personality (I was diagnosed with BPD) is commitment and consistency. Some things I can commit to easily, if I'm passionate about them. My small business I worked for 17 years, and I've committed to creative hobbies as as well because I enjoy them, but for *job* jobs, I struggle SO bad. When I was at my worst, I had one job that I was supposed to work for 6 months minimum. The boss was TERRIBLE, nothing I did was right, and my mental health slid, so I quit. My next job, I had a panic attack so bad the second shift that I threw up for 6 hours afterwards, all through the night because my anxiety was so bad. My next internship, I was supposed to make 3 months, with a possibility to make it 6 months. I lasted two months because I was trying to balance another 10-20 hour a week job on top of full time school. I got so sick that I would black out from pain sometimes and then I ended up getting the flu because I was so stressed out and pushing myself.
Then it's things like social media accounts. I have a social media account for one of my hobbies (that I want to eventually be a career), and I even did a fancy scheduling thing for posts for months! I made months of content. People hated it and started unfollowing me. I panicked and just archived all my posts. I can't stay consistent with these kind of things, especially branding myself, because I feel like I'm too many things. I can't just pick one style or one thing because it's not what I'm passionate about. I eventually get bored, wipe everything, and start new. I'm the same way with jobs, haircuts, outfit styles. I can't just pick one thing and stick with it, because eventually I get bored and hate my life and want something new. But then I get bored with that too. I know the chronic boredom is probably BPD related, but I'm thinking it may just be a person thing.
I see my friends sticking to jobs, sticking to things even though they hate them. I don't know how to do that. I can stick to things I love, like my hobbies, art, and I'm REALLY consistent with therapy. I haven't missed a session in years. I take that stuff seriously. Maybe it's because I've always had the fall back of my business, but I don't really take jobs seriously. Before my PTSD was really bad I could tho. I finished one internship, and one other opportunity. But some things I also quit before it was bad. Idk what to do, but I want to get better.
Then it's things like social media accounts. I have a social media account for one of my hobbies (that I want to eventually be a career), and I even did a fancy scheduling thing for posts for months! I made months of content. People hated it and started unfollowing me. I panicked and just archived all my posts. I can't stay consistent with these kind of things, especially branding myself, because I feel like I'm too many things. I can't just pick one style or one thing because it's not what I'm passionate about. I eventually get bored, wipe everything, and start new. I'm the same way with jobs, haircuts, outfit styles. I can't just pick one thing and stick with it, because eventually I get bored and hate my life and want something new. But then I get bored with that too. I know the chronic boredom is probably BPD related, but I'm thinking it may just be a person thing.
I see my friends sticking to jobs, sticking to things even though they hate them. I don't know how to do that. I can stick to things I love, like my hobbies, art, and I'm REALLY consistent with therapy. I haven't missed a session in years. I take that stuff seriously. Maybe it's because I've always had the fall back of my business, but I don't really take jobs seriously. Before my PTSD was really bad I could tho. I finished one internship, and one other opportunity. But some things I also quit before it was bad. Idk what to do, but I want to get better.