• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Commitment and Consistency

Status
Not open for further replies.

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
Something I really struggle with with both jobs, appearance and almost personality (I was diagnosed with BPD) is commitment and consistency. Some things I can commit to easily, if I'm passionate about them. My small business I worked for 17 years, and I've committed to creative hobbies as as well because I enjoy them, but for *job* jobs, I struggle SO bad. When I was at my worst, I had one job that I was supposed to work for 6 months minimum. The boss was TERRIBLE, nothing I did was right, and my mental health slid, so I quit. My next job, I had a panic attack so bad the second shift that I threw up for 6 hours afterwards, all through the night because my anxiety was so bad. My next internship, I was supposed to make 3 months, with a possibility to make it 6 months. I lasted two months because I was trying to balance another 10-20 hour a week job on top of full time school. I got so sick that I would black out from pain sometimes and then I ended up getting the flu because I was so stressed out and pushing myself.

Then it's things like social media accounts. I have a social media account for one of my hobbies (that I want to eventually be a career), and I even did a fancy scheduling thing for posts for months! I made months of content. People hated it and started unfollowing me. I panicked and just archived all my posts. I can't stay consistent with these kind of things, especially branding myself, because I feel like I'm too many things. I can't just pick one style or one thing because it's not what I'm passionate about. I eventually get bored, wipe everything, and start new. I'm the same way with jobs, haircuts, outfit styles. I can't just pick one thing and stick with it, because eventually I get bored and hate my life and want something new. But then I get bored with that too. I know the chronic boredom is probably BPD related, but I'm thinking it may just be a person thing.

I see my friends sticking to jobs, sticking to things even though they hate them. I don't know how to do that. I can stick to things I love, like my hobbies, art, and I'm REALLY consistent with therapy. I haven't missed a session in years. I take that stuff seriously. Maybe it's because I've always had the fall back of my business, but I don't really take jobs seriously. Before my PTSD was really bad I could tho. I finished one internship, and one other opportunity. But some things I also quit before it was bad. Idk what to do, but I want to get better.
 
Some things I can commit to easily, if I'm passionate about them. My small business I worked for 17 years, and I've committed to creative hobbies as as well because I enjoy them, but for *job* jobs, I struggle SO bad

This is totally me! We are exploring this in therapy because I am currently unemployed and part of the reason I quit was because I couldn't handle the abusive way management treated staff. I think part of my problem is that that sort of behavior really triggers me and I respond both internally and externally in harmful ways. I also think, though, that when you're not doing what you love, it's harder to commit in a really engaged way.

I see my friends sticking to jobs, sticking to things even though they hate them. I don't know how to do that. I can stick to things I love, like my hobbies, art,

Yeah, I get this. I stayed with a job (my last one) that I HATED and part of that was because it paid really well and I had all kinds of vacation time; I was not willing (I was afraid) to give that up because I was sure I wouldn't be able to find anything else. Truth is, I was terrified because I think I can't do anything well.

What I discovered is that leaving was the BEST thing I could have done. And finding something that I'm passionate about is going to take awhile and even though the money situation is bad right now, I have absolutely no regrets.

Are you able, maybe, to find work doing something you really like? I mean, could you work in an arts and crafts store or expand your business? Do you have someone who can give you constructive feedback on how you are managing social media?

I lasted two months because I was trying to balance another 10-20 hour a week job on top of full time school.

This doesn't sound like an inability to commit. You were really stretched here. I worked full time and went to school part-time (and with no car) and that is HARD. Maybe you need some help with managing your time and resetting your priorities?

You said you're in therapy - do you think that has been helpful? And I didn't notice - have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I know how hard it is and how it plays on your emotions and really affects how you feel about yourself.
 
Thank you for your response @whiteraven !
Are you able, maybe, to find work doing something you really like? I mean, could you work in an arts and crafts store or expand your business? Do you have someone who can give you constructive feedback on how you are managing social media?

I love to write, that's my main hobby, and I could try to find something doing that! I've applied to quite a few jobs for that, but haven't gotten any interviews or offers. I don't know if I would love writing for business, I do enjoy writing copy but I wish there was a way to try it out before I'm required to do well. I may just try making mock assignments. I really love writing fiction or prose in general. I also do love art, but I feel like it doesn't apply to anything, and I love talking to people/ helping people. I do love working in a client-facing sort of business role, I love talking to people and helping people. I think I could apply that to a few industries I'm interested in (although right now, most people aren't hiring!!)

For social media, I have a friend who is really good at it and I may talk with her for a bit about it to see sort of what she does to keep consistent. I think I just don't enjoy it that much. I thought for a while I could do digital marketing, because content is sort of like art, and you get to talk to customers, and I could do it remotely which helps my PTSD, but I worry bc I can't be consistent then maybe I shouldn't.

This doesn't sound like an inability to commit. You were really stretched here. I worked full time and went to school part-time (and with no car) and that is HARD. Maybe you need some help with managing your time and resetting your priorities?

That's probably right, I was working 15-25 hours at the internship, 10-20 hours at my business, going to school full time and I have an injury that I was at physical therapy 2-3 times a week for. I wish I had just stopped my business, but I couldn't because I needed to pay my bills. I hate that. It was such a good opportunity. I would have had a job now, a real job, and not be unemployed right now But I'm trying to do radical acceptance about it.

You said you're in therapy - do you think that has been helpful? And I didn't notice - have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

Yes, I think it has. I've improved so much the past few years with my current therapist. And yes, I have! I got the diagnosis in 2016 I believe. I still struggle with a few things though, I think I've had it my whole life though.
 
I love to write, that's my main hobby, and I could try to find something doing that!

Writing is my thing, too. There are tons of freelance writing jobs, but most are articles, blogs, etc.... Not a lot of fiction that I've seen. Still, if you like prose, these might work for you. And freelance work can be sort of a try-out. There are a lot of short-term projects on Upwork; you might want to try there.

I'm wondering if you have an interest in editing or proofreading? That's another thing employers are looking for.

I do love working in a client-facing sort of business role, I love talking to people and helping people.

Do you like sales? Tons of jobs out there for salespeople now!
 
@whiteraven I haven't had good luck with Upwork. Everything I've applied to and got a message for was a scam :( I'd be interested in editing and proofreading! I already edit and proofread my friend's stories, and I was a writing tutor for a while too. I also love sales! I like building relationships, and I feel like that's the point of sales haha. I'll look through what jobs are out there!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top