Commitment issues.

Okay so I’ve had a GREAT deal of trauma in my childhood with losing almost all of my family members by the age of 13 including parents, I was abused (beat) and molested for years and I’ve just now recently got a therapist in hopes to help me resolve issues. My biggest issues for me is commitment. I guess I don’t like getting close to people and I could see the root of the issue (being so many deaths in my family) but I’m working on trying to resolve and get closer to people. This has happened every single time that I’ve talked to someone or gotten close, I convince myself I don’t like them anymore and ghost them. I’m not comfortable with being intimate with someone unless I’m drunk. What are some ways to help with this? Or cope? I want to be able to feel comfortable with someone sober.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
This has happened every single time that I’ve talked to someone or gotten close, I convince myself I don’t like them anymore and ghost them. I’m not comfortable with being intimate with someone unless I’m drunk. What are some ways to help with this?
If indeed it's an avoidance behavior - and from your trauma context, it seems pretty plausible - I'd suggest you experiment with ways to be intimate in more structured situations. First thing that comes to mind is committing to a regular support group....any kind of support group. Somewhere where you'll want to be yourself, because that's how you'll get something out of it - and somewhere where you'll be hearing other people be honest as well - but it's time-limited and there are no obligations to remain in touch outside the environment of group-time.

Or, finding a team activity - that will increase your accountability (as in, you need to show up so the team can play), but there are boundaries around the expectation of a 'deeper' relationship. You get to practice accepting that there are people relying on you, and also that you want to be there for them. But just for two hours once a week (or something like that).

You might find opportunities to convert some of these into more small-group or one-on-one friendships - but you don't have to. It's not a requirement. And you don't even need to do that for the. exercise to be worthwhile.

Just some thoughts. Usually, working on avoidance will involve some degree of exposure - the hard part is breaking the elements of the avoidance down, and then finding parallel opportunities to expose yourself to the individual elements. You're working towards increasing your comfort level, and as that happens, you'll become more ready to take on more difficult scenarios (like reconnecting and bonding with an old friend).
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Finallyseeking, I'm a recovering alcoholic and used to find it very difficult talking to people unless I'd been drinking. 15 months sober now. Opening upto people was very difficult and also trusting people.

What helped?

Attending various mental health support groups. (It could be any type of group). Gradually building relationships with people and talking. Being honest about my thoughts and feelings with people I learned that I could trust.

It's really helped me massively, I feel 10 times better.

It takes courage, strength and you've got to be brave but it's so worth it when you stick with it.

Best wishes to you. 😃
 
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