Communicating With Someone With Ptsd

[mr58]

I have a question I hope someone can answer...almost a year ago I met a combat soldier who has 4 deployments under his belt...for a couple months everything was great he always answered my texts and everything, however at the time I was unaware he had PTSD and alcohol issues he said he hid it because he wanted me to see someone I could respect, basically acted a bit different than he actually is...even though I respect him regardless, and have incredibly strong feelings for him...even knowing how he really is and he has other issues in his life that stress him out. After a few months he completely disappeared, he had tried to commit suicide and when I finally reached him he was in inpatient rehab..he has since completed a very long stint of inpatient rehab, of the 10 months I've known him he's been away for about 5 and is home for now. I saw him and it went great, we talk about lots of things, but he doesn't go in depth about his life to much, from what I read that's pretty normal for someone with PTSD to not share much? And when were together he's very present and touchy feely and everything and always wants to hear about my life. When he leaves he says he will text me etc...but then never does or doesn't answer my texts, which I try to keep to a minimum or short and to the point...is this pretty common? When were together he talks of things we can do next time together etc...it's been a week since I heard from him which is longer than normal for him, and I worry he's gone again, ignoring me or something...is this pretty common?..he's doing intensive outpatient right now so I know he's busy and dealing with alot ..the only good thing I have to go on is that he would tell me before he ever went ghost and doesn't go ghost just to do it lol anyways any advice is appreciated as he's still new to rehab and I want to know I'm there for him and I'm new on how to interact and communicate with someone with PTSD...

 

[Powder]

None of that is PTSD. That is all manipulation.

 

[mr58]

None of that is PTSD. That is all manipulation.

Can I ask you why you think it's just manipulation?
I've been in a manipulative relationship before and this relationship is nothing like that at all
Saying he hid PTSD was wrong wording he was never actually diagnosed until after we met and he was evaluated after a suicide attempt
And he does text me or answer me/ask to hang out on occasion with texts its just very sporadic and when I wrote this I was in a bad mood about not hearing from him and idk if any of it came across as what is actually happening

 

[SeaQuel]

It could be manipulation... it also could be that he's isolating (common with PTSD) or experiencing elevated symptoms and doesn't have the bandwidth to engage even if he wanted to. It could be a millions things, really. Best to just ask him or be ok with what we can offer right now - sporadic contact.

 

[Powder]

So Sorry, I confused your original post with another that was similar and was clearly all manipulation.

No, I agree with @SeaQuel actually.

Now that I reread your post, which is hard without the periods and punctuation missing, I'm thinking that it does sound like PTSD and lack of experience with communication with a long term relationship.

PTSD means it took me longer to learn the ropes with everything, and how to communicate well in my marriage is no exception.

I think what makes it hard is that, like you said, he's avoiding feeling or thinking if it veers toward any Triggers of Traumatic memory.

If he continues to feel safer with you and able to trust you, and if he does therapy and exposes himself to his feelings and learns to handle them with more coping skills, then he will be able to recognize when he's numbing out and numbing you out with the feelings.

We can't just numb out the unpleasant feelings/emotions. We have to numb them ALL combined. So when people like me with PTSD are suffering, we can tend to react by numbing or avoiding feelings. This looks different, but includes watching TV, video games, being on the laptop or iPad or phone too much, any distraction.

I think it helps to work in baby steps. Let him know if he's spacing out or numbing you out, gently, and tell him you miss having him more present and you're willing to give him some time to come back online. Be patient. Reward him for coming back to present with attention, food, affection, watching a pleasant program together, doing something fun, etc.

Think of it as training and keep in mind that when stress hits, don't take it personally if he needs to numb more often.

 

[mr58]

So Sorry, I confused your original post with another that was similar and was clearly all manipulation.

N...

Thanks! This post definitely made me feel better about it as I'm new to communicating and he's still new to receiving treatment and how to communicate in a new relationship. Anyways thanks..I'm willing to be patient with him because he's the only person who's company is always better than just hanging by myself, hopefully works out in the end. Thanks for the advice!!

 

[Mapquestthrufog]

Thank you for your post and answers. Seaquel and muse. The numbing out makes me feel little better about my own situation. I have been in an out of a good man's life. There's a lot of distance involved physical and mental. It seems the closer that I get to him and the more he lets me in, The further he pushes me away after those heart felt conversations or are the moments that I see his whole physical being change and get lighter as he giggles and his eyes dance and he relaxes. Knowing him for years we share a lot of trust. When I sleep by him, he sleeps...I calm his night terrors, just a touch and whisper when his body tightens...I feel him relax and fall into his sleep. I don't know what the future holds. I can visualize great things. But that also depends if he can too. I try and keep things light, I send little fun jokes. I just wish I could read what was needed, and make sure to give that right thing. if what is really needed is space...get it and not push, or if what is needed is a reminder of I care and you are not alone. It's a fine line..and since there isn't a clear cut anything, I am not sure on when to play which hand. Guess I rambled.. it's hard when you know you care more than someone is able to care for you...as they struggle caring for themselves.