LittleBigFoot
Policy Enforcement
I know lots of people have communication outside of sessions with their T and do just fine with it. I also know I have strooooong attachment issues (like BPD-ish). I’ve had that get messy with previous T’s where the first one if they didn’t respond quick enough panic would set in and I became almost obsessed with getting their attention. The next T went better but not great. There was some obsession but not at the same level. The problem came when texting was encouraged and we’d end up texting a few times a week withe things that had nothing to do with therapy and became a friendship and any progress in session became pretty much nonexistent. We were friends catching up.
This new T I have scares the shit out of me. She seems very competent and passionate about her work and each session has felt like genuine work is happening on both our parts. Before intake we talked about my previous T’s and how I really wanted someone who could maintain clear and strict boundaries. She agreed.
But then last session we talked about me feeling abandoned and hurting last weekend and she says, “you know you can text or email me when you’re feeling like that, right?” I just nodded but I wanted to scream no no no we can’t do that. I can’t go through that again.
I know it’s just a matter of self control. If I can just control myself when I’m bad I can stay away from contacting her and all will be well. But what if I can’t? I know how bad and desperate I can get when I’m truly triggered into something. This past weekend was nothing compared to where it can go. I don’t want to get bad, reach out, and then have it all go to hell all over again.
But then I’m wondering if that might be her intention? Not for me to break necessarily but to push for me to attach to her so she can fix those parts. I know she works with IFS (what we’ve begun diving into) and dislikes traditional talk therapy/traditional CBT and is more attachment based. So should I allow that to happen? Should I allow myself to become reliant on communication with her and let her help me with that? Because I can easily avoid those parts of me if I stay detached, but does that mean they won’t ever get healed?
I don’t know what I should do.
This new T I have scares the shit out of me. She seems very competent and passionate about her work and each session has felt like genuine work is happening on both our parts. Before intake we talked about my previous T’s and how I really wanted someone who could maintain clear and strict boundaries. She agreed.
But then last session we talked about me feeling abandoned and hurting last weekend and she says, “you know you can text or email me when you’re feeling like that, right?” I just nodded but I wanted to scream no no no we can’t do that. I can’t go through that again.
I know it’s just a matter of self control. If I can just control myself when I’m bad I can stay away from contacting her and all will be well. But what if I can’t? I know how bad and desperate I can get when I’m truly triggered into something. This past weekend was nothing compared to where it can go. I don’t want to get bad, reach out, and then have it all go to hell all over again.
But then I’m wondering if that might be her intention? Not for me to break necessarily but to push for me to attach to her so she can fix those parts. I know she works with IFS (what we’ve begun diving into) and dislikes traditional talk therapy/traditional CBT and is more attachment based. So should I allow that to happen? Should I allow myself to become reliant on communication with her and let her help me with that? Because I can easily avoid those parts of me if I stay detached, but does that mean they won’t ever get healed?
I don’t know what I should do.