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General Compassion is something she can’t do with herself

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Recently I was reading a thread on here which gave a link to this Somatic perspectives on psychotherapy podcast

It’s a podcast that talks about the importance of the sufferer using compassion as a tool to help integrate themselves.

So, I asked my sufferer, about the time we spent together the other week, (it was difficult but she struggled through it as I was leaving for a while) I asked her if her present self could say something compassionate towards her last week self. And the message I got back is that she feels compassionate towards me.

As a non sufferer, it’s illuminating that she couldn’t say anything compassionate towards herself, even her last week self. But gently, I will try to ask her again.

I wondered if any of you had any comments on this?
 
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I don’t really have any advice, but as a sufferer myself- I get this. Finding any compassion for yourself is a tremendously difficult thing to do. It’s like being told all your life in every which way that you are no better than sh*t that’s been left on the ground and suddenly you are supposed to yourself as more than that. I know for me that’s a huge hurdle. You are doing the right thing though.
 
Compassion or empathy or sympathy?

Compassion is to suffer with...or do something to relieve the suffering of another or oneself. Empathy is to feel what the suffering is - perhaps to know it at a deeper level or integrate it? Sympathy is to understand the suffering...

I think I may understand what you are intending to do. How wonderful to have someone who is willing to try and help like you are.
 
she feels compassionate towards me.
This is my experience, easy to feel compassion for others, not for myself. I'm not sure it even comes up on the radar. Conversely, there are too occassions for self hatred or disgust, in response.
But gently, I will try to ask her again.
I too say gently, I'm not sure why you would expect a different answer? :confused: When something is a part of (myself) it doesn't change with moods or thoughts. I guess to say it goes much deeper than that.

I've heard Janina Fischer (sp?) has some good work, on suicidality also, but 'parts' are not for me. However, you reminded me of something I should go back to- and may really help you understand- I think it's Dr. Paul Gilbert: Compassion-Focused Therapy (ie learning how to have compassion for one's self). I remember he really teases apart compassion/ empathy/ sympathy. I also remember that he said people (if necessary) could be potentially taught empathy for others, and how to do it.

That being said, the person has to do it, no one can do it for you.

Although, thinking about it- I have only (mostly) felt any compassion for myself if/ when someone mirrors compassion for me to me, identifies it should be there (valid), why, what I am feeling (which I haven't even thought of as being entitled to, so haven't thought of). (That seems to be the same with anger, etc, too: like if they're angry about something done to me, it occurs to me, do I have a right to feel that about it towards me, as well? Hope that makes sense. :rolleyes: )
How wonderful to have someone who is willing to try and help like you are.
Yes. ^^
 
As a sufferer, I can't say even one good thing about myself. Except how I feel about another. But, about me? Nope! At least not without help from my therapist and he says it, not me and I don't believe it when he says it. But, I am learning to more and more everyday. And that's the key. I am making progress.

Is she in therapy?
 
Alot of the time I have to be the one to show/give J compassion, sympathy and empathy. He can really beat himself up sometimes and I'll point out the reality. He is none of the things he thinks he is. Slowly and with time he's been able to be more kind and compassionate towards himself. A work in PROGRESS.
 
Aww. Thank you both @Tinyflame and @blackemerald1. Coming from you that means alot to me. He's my high school sweetheart. I'd do damn near anything for him ("within reason"... A joke between J and I ?)

We often wonder what our lives would be like if we stayed together after his first deployment. He seems to think I would have handled everything better than his ex's. I'd like to think so too but we'll never know. We're just happy we can be together now. And we don't take it for granted. Ever. So many of his brothers never came home. So we know we're both blessed to have found each other again after 27 years. We never stopped loving each other after all of those years.

Thanks for the beautiful compliments. It's very appreciated. ?
 
Yea. @Freida isn't very good at it. YET. She's getting better though. I dont think she realizes self care is a form of compassion. And she does that every day. ❤

@Freida, You are able to give compassion to everyone and everything thing around you. Friends. Family. Pets. Animals. And strangers on the end of a phone call. And we cant forget all the love and compassion you give to all of us here!! We all know you have it in you and it is slowly surfacing. Proud of you my friend!
 
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