I'm glad you called her.
I'm not trying to defend her actions at all, simply going to play devils advocate for a moment. If someone is talking around being abused, and the therapist doesn't know the client is trying to talk around trauma with the goal of talking about the trauma itself, and the client is expressing uncertainty about what they remember about events that suggest abuse but they don't make it clear either way that they remember abuse occurring... I could see how a therapist could suggest in a reasonable way that she doesn't want the client to jump to conclusions based on uncertain memories of events that were not abuse. Her comments might have been meant in that way.
Which is very different that disbelieving a client.
I talked around am abusive event with my therapist before, trying to piece together foggy memories of strange things that happened in my family that are super alarming to me... because I knew the full picture, and where those events led, but didn't have the courage at the time to tell her I was actually abused by the family member I was talking about. My own therapist said the events didn't indicate for sure if abuse occurred or didn't occur and she made comments that felt really invalidating and like she just didn't even take me seriously. Eventually I had the courage to point blank tell her of the actual abuse I remembered and she totally believed me and supported me. She also better understood my concerns and what I had been trying to talk about.
I'd suggest writing down a list of exactly what isn't working and what you need to have in your hand when you talk to her on the phone. I'd suggest telling her you need her to ask you more questions to help you talk. Tell her you want to talk about abuse you remember but you worry she doesn't believe you already. Tell her as much as you can and in as specific and direct way what you need her to do and how you feel about the relationship.
I now tell my therapist when I'm trying to "say something hard but I need to talk around it because it's too hard to say it yet" and she then knows there is an elephant in the room (even the best therapists can miss it sometimes) and she helps me find a way to say a little more and a little more. It's been so helpful.
If she is repeatedly asking you about goals you feel like you have communicated before, she may feel they are too vague? It might be good to take that conversation to the next level and ask her how you and her can work together to reach those goals. You can even ask for a treatment plan. You can put the ball in her court a little more so that she is more clear and direct as well.
You could even tell her you are confused about what's happening and you need help with gaining clarity.
I think she is trying to help, but either doesn't have the skills or the information, or both, to be able to show you she is there for you in the way you need. So give her all the direct information you can. It's ok to not talk about the abuse itself if you are not ready yet, but if you can, do try to let her know there are traumatic events you still need to talk about but haven't yet.
I'm so sorry for what you went through and that the past abuse is affecting things with your husband now. This is really hard stuff to approach and talk about in therapy - both the abuse and therapy misattunements - and you have been through so much lately too. My heart really goes out to you. I hope that she really does come through for you and things start to get better soon. :hug:
