I realise that a big part of my trauma is not having an adequate enough memory of my memories... if that makes sense. It means when they come back, they bite me unexpectedly. There are some memories which never get forgotton, but manage to still have a big impact despite this. It is strange, I think - it is only my mind, what am I so scared of? My past has only happened once, and yet I feel like it is always happening, over and over??
I get very confused about what I should do in situations like this. Different therapies believe in different approaches. Some believe you don't need to go over it all... you just need to identify the problem and change the reaction now. Like when you sense a memory, a trigger, but don't remember the memory, you just know it's there and related to whatever it is. They would say "you don't need to know what it is, you just need to know it's to do with the past, and logically think through it that way... it's not constructive to go back into the past, just deal with the affects now". Well yeah... but how does that change the trigger? They would say, it changes it by recognising it is a trigger.... well, yeah. But it doesn't change how the trigger feels...? In those situations, what do you do? Try and remember, as other therapists suggest? Or just try to accept it is the past talking to you, and realise you are not in the past, and ignore it?
Same with nightmares. Over the years, I have been told analysing them is important. Analysing them is not important. Analysing the emotions are important, but don't go over the past. Analysing the emotions and going over the past is important. Dreams may be flashbacks and therefore aspects may be related to what you don't remember. Dreams are nothing but fantasy and mean nothing in relation to your past. Everyone gets nightmares, you just have more. Nightmares mean unresolved issues. There is no answer to nightmares, just medicate. Nightmares can be resolved by dealing with trauma.
This is where studying psychology and approaches is not helpful personally. I know generally the approach by most 'types' of therapists. And they are all slightly, or incredibly, but definitely different from what I can see.
and then of course, there are psychiatrists.... "got a problem? Here are some drugs!" Of course, not ALL psychiatrists are like this. But in the UK, you see a National Health Service Psychiatrist for 10-15 minute slots (after assessment). It goes "How do you feel?", "well I'm not sleeping well", "okay, here are some sleeping pills...anything else?", "Well I've been feeling depressed...", "...here are some anti depressants, anything else?", "Well I'm having flashbacks...", "Okay.... take some tranquilisers..." or whatever.... so for me, psychiatry offers me no solution.
But I am confused. I struggle with this all the time. I don't know which way to go down......Sometimes I think it is best to go over it... what happened , how it made you feel, how it it makes you feel now, why it makes you feel that way.... that way you get to know your past so well and where you stand with it. It can then reduce the impact and allows for re-processing and changing reactions with insight and knowledge, because often in trauma the person is unable to process it for whatever reason.
But then I think... well, is that really productive? Is that just dwelling? Or am I thinking that way because that is how everyone in my past made me feel about absolutely everything, down to the actual traumas and then to how they were affecting me. It is very confusing as to know how best to deal with things, and I find I start with one approach... then I stop, because there are so many approaches and I don't know what is best. I end up frustrated and hating myself for it.
Anyone got any input on this?
I get very confused about what I should do in situations like this. Different therapies believe in different approaches. Some believe you don't need to go over it all... you just need to identify the problem and change the reaction now. Like when you sense a memory, a trigger, but don't remember the memory, you just know it's there and related to whatever it is. They would say "you don't need to know what it is, you just need to know it's to do with the past, and logically think through it that way... it's not constructive to go back into the past, just deal with the affects now". Well yeah... but how does that change the trigger? They would say, it changes it by recognising it is a trigger.... well, yeah. But it doesn't change how the trigger feels...? In those situations, what do you do? Try and remember, as other therapists suggest? Or just try to accept it is the past talking to you, and realise you are not in the past, and ignore it?
Same with nightmares. Over the years, I have been told analysing them is important. Analysing them is not important. Analysing the emotions are important, but don't go over the past. Analysing the emotions and going over the past is important. Dreams may be flashbacks and therefore aspects may be related to what you don't remember. Dreams are nothing but fantasy and mean nothing in relation to your past. Everyone gets nightmares, you just have more. Nightmares mean unresolved issues. There is no answer to nightmares, just medicate. Nightmares can be resolved by dealing with trauma.
This is where studying psychology and approaches is not helpful personally. I know generally the approach by most 'types' of therapists. And they are all slightly, or incredibly, but definitely different from what I can see.
and then of course, there are psychiatrists.... "got a problem? Here are some drugs!" Of course, not ALL psychiatrists are like this. But in the UK, you see a National Health Service Psychiatrist for 10-15 minute slots (after assessment). It goes "How do you feel?", "well I'm not sleeping well", "okay, here are some sleeping pills...anything else?", "Well I've been feeling depressed...", "...here are some anti depressants, anything else?", "Well I'm having flashbacks...", "Okay.... take some tranquilisers..." or whatever.... so for me, psychiatry offers me no solution.
But I am confused. I struggle with this all the time. I don't know which way to go down......Sometimes I think it is best to go over it... what happened , how it made you feel, how it it makes you feel now, why it makes you feel that way.... that way you get to know your past so well and where you stand with it. It can then reduce the impact and allows for re-processing and changing reactions with insight and knowledge, because often in trauma the person is unable to process it for whatever reason.
But then I think... well, is that really productive? Is that just dwelling? Or am I thinking that way because that is how everyone in my past made me feel about absolutely everything, down to the actual traumas and then to how they were affecting me. It is very confusing as to know how best to deal with things, and I find I start with one approach... then I stop, because there are so many approaches and I don't know what is best. I end up frustrated and hating myself for it.
Anyone got any input on this?