J
joanna1990
So myself and my current partner have been together for about a year and a half. First year was bliss, the only exception him being being a little immature at times, in contrast to me being very independent. He was financially dependent on me, which caused a lot of stress and frustration for me.
After a year things turned violent. I’ve never considered myself a victim and in fact quite the opposite. I’m straight talking, to the point and not afraid to voice my needs. This I feel is part of my current problem. He became more and more violent over the last 6 months, not just with me but also my child. He clearly felt in competition with my little boy and essentially tried to dominate him by being overly authoritarian. Forcing him into his room etc etc, at one point causing bruising. One night when the violence went to extremes, I secretly called the cops.
He was arrested and charged with assaulting a female 3x but me being me (feeling guilty) defended him and played everything down, gave a glowing report to probabtion and all that lark. We began a partner violence course and all seemed well.
A few nights ago we had another incident and my neighbour called the cops and then interviened. She has always got on well with my partner and made out as if I was exaggerating. She basically undermined everything I said to the police. As a result he was not charged with anything but I have a lump on the back of my head like you wouldn’t believe, bruises all over me and concussion from him smacking my head against the window sill.
The thing that frustrates me is that as much as I’m still protecting my partner and I’m not pushing the matter, they should have believed me. Not only that, I feel really frustrated by my neighbour who undermined everything I said, while knowing nothing of the situation or previous attacks - which have been far more than these occasions. My partner blatantly denies any of this even happened and that I’m lying to him (he was very drunk, I was drunk at the time).
This guy has been stalking me (openly told me he drives past my house in the middle of the night - almost every day he can) and that he is going to cut the brakes on my car and kill me, himself etc etc. Prototype abuser.
So why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel that I’m in the wrong and wronging my bf? Is this just because I don’t identify as being a victim, and because others don’t see me as a victim, they believe the sweet, almost innocent looking bf? I’m not perfect by any stretch but I don’t physically harm the people I love, and I certainly don’t threaten to kill them. I’m so confused right now :(
After a year things turned violent. I’ve never considered myself a victim and in fact quite the opposite. I’m straight talking, to the point and not afraid to voice my needs. This I feel is part of my current problem. He became more and more violent over the last 6 months, not just with me but also my child. He clearly felt in competition with my little boy and essentially tried to dominate him by being overly authoritarian. Forcing him into his room etc etc, at one point causing bruising. One night when the violence went to extremes, I secretly called the cops.
He was arrested and charged with assaulting a female 3x but me being me (feeling guilty) defended him and played everything down, gave a glowing report to probabtion and all that lark. We began a partner violence course and all seemed well.
A few nights ago we had another incident and my neighbour called the cops and then interviened. She has always got on well with my partner and made out as if I was exaggerating. She basically undermined everything I said to the police. As a result he was not charged with anything but I have a lump on the back of my head like you wouldn’t believe, bruises all over me and concussion from him smacking my head against the window sill.
The thing that frustrates me is that as much as I’m still protecting my partner and I’m not pushing the matter, they should have believed me. Not only that, I feel really frustrated by my neighbour who undermined everything I said, while knowing nothing of the situation or previous attacks - which have been far more than these occasions. My partner blatantly denies any of this even happened and that I’m lying to him (he was very drunk, I was drunk at the time).
This guy has been stalking me (openly told me he drives past my house in the middle of the night - almost every day he can) and that he is going to cut the brakes on my car and kill me, himself etc etc. Prototype abuser.
So why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel that I’m in the wrong and wronging my bf? Is this just because I don’t identify as being a victim, and because others don’t see me as a victim, they believe the sweet, almost innocent looking bf? I’m not perfect by any stretch but I don’t physically harm the people I love, and I certainly don’t threaten to kill them. I’m so confused right now :(