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Confused and alone in my journey to feeling ok.

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Raina

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Hey guys,

Have had ptsd after sexual assaults. Been doing EMDR, which finnally seems to be doing... something. But discovered I HATE male attention. I have a bf and want his attention, but aaanyone else sets my nerves on edge. Im overeating and not taking care of myself. I want to be ugly as I feel; a form of protection I think. How do I get passed the feelings about this? I feel disgusting to the point i want to drink myself into obvilion. Who can you talk to that isnt paid to listen? Its just too much for most people and its impossible to not need to talk about it? This silence we have to endure is agonising and it can't all wait until the next therapy session? Any advice on what to do with these thoughts and the need to talk?

Thanks guys xx
 
Just put it here !!! First, we understand, and then there is encouragement and being validated. We need a lot of that on this journey. Talk talk talk all you want and need.. we are listening... and I really get the 'paid' thing.. for many years I said the only real friends I had, were paid friends... so I really understand that.

You can start threads about specific things , or start a diary, or read among the topics and threads that resonate with you. This place is full of questions and answers..and listeners...

Glad you are here. And we will listen for free !!
 
Yes @ladee is correct ^^

Its just too much for most people and its impossible to not need to talk about it?

Yes 'most' people will become uncomfortable listening and trying to understand a lot of things. It is quite lonely out there in the real world but not all people are like this.

Friendships take time to develop. It is a lot of give and take. Tread carefully when disclosing information about your trauma in real life to people. Make sure you are not trying to make a one way street when it comes to listening. Getting that balance right takes time and right now I feel like you need to vent to someone other than your therapist. There are problems with that bc a lot of people will not understand and you leave yourself exposed if you tell the wrong type of person. So please think before you disclose.

Can you let your therapist know you are struggling between appointments. Possibly you are feeling overwhelmed right now and your therapist may suggest some extra appointments. Or maybe you are going too fast during therapy and easing off a little might assist. It is good to let your therapist know about these things imho.

Have you tried writing out what is going on in your head? The things that you want to say right away? You can take the journal along with you to therapy and share that with your therapist idk it might help?
 
Just put it here !!! First, we understand, and then there is encouragement and being validated. We need...

Thanks so much xxxx this is really great to hear! Will deffo think about chatting more!

Yes @ladee is correct ^^



Yes 'most' people will become uncomfortable listeni...
Yes Thanks so much! i think talking to the therapist about between struggles is a really good idea. I have a fair amount of good friends, but I feel like alot of the time, the subject is too much to talk about. You know when you come in and want to talk about ur day with people, but I don't want to burden them with my mess. Its too dense a subject for after work chatter? It feels like it doesnt fit. Does that make sense? It just sits on my chest.

I am a writer I do like to write stuff down, ur right all good suggestions thanks so much!!
 
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Yes, Raina,
talking about how you are feeling and why you are feeling the way you are is too much for conversation in a general public group. Most do not know how to do supportive listening in a setting like after work "chatter". They will rally around you initially but it will wain quickly if there is no change to your conversation. People don't like to feel helpless or overwhelmed and most don't understand the depth of trauma as you have had. And you need to be able to trust that whomever you share with is able to respect you, your struggles, and your need for confidentiality. I suppose this is why many of us have found this site to be so helpful. It is all confidential by the fact that we use pseudonyms as identity tags and there are many upon many on this site who can relate to your traumas thus having the ability to listen, comfort, encourage, and give advice or share their personal journey with you and each other.

I do agree that it would be good to ask for an extra therapy session on a consistent basis until you feel a longer time in between is manageable.
I started out as once a week but had to increase to twice a week in order to have the support I needed. This seems to be a good schedule for me. It helps to keep me from shoving things into my dungeon, minimizing my traumas, and then forgetting circumstances that affect me. I also don't have a support base of friends or relatives that I can depend on. So therapy sessions close together is my support....and I count this site to be my other place of support.

As suggested, starting a diary here is useful, too. Or writing one on your own works too. It is so important to voice all the thoughts and experiences surrounding your traumas. It takes some of the pressure off of you. Writing is a simple and easy way to "talk" either to yourself in a private journal or in a publicly-controlled diary as on this site. They cannot be viewed by the general public...only members here.

I am glad you found us. Post away and feel at home with all of us other PTSDers.
 
Welcome!

And yep == finding this place was a godsend for me. People who could understand and ACCEPT my stories was huge. In the real world people don't want to believe that bad things happen to good people. On this site? We know differently. So we support each other as we go. Which is awesome.
 
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