Confused by my physical response

Lostvoice

New Here
I’m not sure where to post this? So please move if necessary.

I am really embarrassed and ashamed to talk about this part of me, if it is a part??

I have experienced multiple sexual abuse including molestation by family members and rape by 2 people known to me.

I’ve recently become very aware, confused and disgusted by my own body.
When I see things on TV that have happened to me, things like what I’ve said above, my mind and most of my body clams up and wants to get away from it and I kind of freeze as I did for all of my past experiences but I often have an arousal response at the same time and I feel so disgusted by it and sick and I want to hurt myself for having that response.

What’s wrong with me?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. Sad consequences of trauma, but it can change.

I'm still working on loving or accepting my body, instead of despising it and blaming it for what happened. Today I was thinking: without a body we don't have life, so I should really appreciate my body more.

Freeze and arousal are also very natural responses to trauma. Again nothing wrong with you.
Great you have a therapist to help unpick this more with them.
I thinkt the way through it is accepting what happened, and that it wasn't your fault, and giving yourself compassion.
 

Sideways

Moderator
I wish I hadn’t shared this now, it’s just adding to my feelings of shame - can it be deleted?
We don't delete posts on request. However you can Ignore this thread, which will stop it showing up in your feed, and you'll no longer receive notifications about it. If you want to talk to us about it, or if you think the thread should be locked now, drop us a message at Contact Us👍
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
You need to learn to guard your gates. Everything that comes in affects you. Everything you see that reminds you of trauma brings flashbacks.

So - don't just watch whatever is on. Get a streaming service with happy stuff and watch that instead. Turn the TV off and listen to music. Read a book. But pay attention to the subject matter, always.

You can't feel better if you are being affected by things you see and hear all the time. You are creating your own hell if you do that.

If it affects you, reminds you or whatever get rid of it unless its absolutely unavoidable. Watch everything you watch and listen to and don't be your own worst enemy.
 

Magnolia

New Here
I’m not sure where to post this? So please move if necessary.

I am really embarrassed and ashamed to talk about this part of me, if it is a part??

I have experienced multiple sexual abuse including molestation by family members and rape by 2 people known to me.

I’ve recently become very aware, confused and disgusted by my own body.
When I see things on TV that have happened to me, things like what I’ve said above, my mind and most of my body clams up and wants to get away from it and I kind of freeze as I did for all of my past experiences but I often have an arousal response at the same time and I feel so disgusted by it and sick and I want to hurt myself for having that response.

What’s wrong with me?
It happens to me too. It is a natural physical response that you cannot stop. You can however change your thought patterns surrounding those feelings. Forgive yourself or at least try to. I just realized that I've been acting out my sexual trauma since it happened. How disgusting is that? It is completely natural though. Don't forget to show yourself some compassion.
 

Lostvoice

New Here
@Magnolia
I did a similar thing of acting it out in the past, I’ve mentioned it once in therapy but we kind of just brushed past it. So much confusion in this healing process. Trying to decide if I should go no contact with my mother at the moment. Or thinking of ways I can see her whilst still protecting myself.
 

Killashandra

Confident
One day at a time, you don't need to change the world right this second. I stole this from AA... it works if you work it, so work it because Your WORTH it.
And you are worth it regardless of our own mindset.

Healing is confusing, messy, painful and a whole myriad of emotions and reactions etc.but it is worth it.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. To Heal is to Share, so Share your thoughts emotions, this forum is a great way of doing so, the people here are so kind and supportive, there is no Judgement.

Use the trauma diaries. It's a great way of letting stuff out and it's secure and safe
 
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