Constant fear of lying and doubting myself

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Vero

Learning
I struggle a lot with trusting my memories in general, not just traumatic ones. There was a time in my life if I had an important conversation with someone I would replay it in my mind over and over again to be sure I heard it right and understood the message, even if I just finished talking to that person. It made absolutely no sense... ?
Now, when sharing some traumatic memories, especially things that someone said, not did, and I have no proof of it, I have a lot of fear that I'm just making it up, that it never happend, that I misunderstood, etc. Especially if I try to remember something that happend 10-15 years ago. Growing up, my family members could be very loving on one hand but later on also abusive so it was very confusing.
Has anyone experienced this anxiety? I dont know how to be more confident in myself and to be at peace about it...
 

Sideways

Sponsor
I dont know how to be more confident in myself and to be at peace about it...
With conversations that old? I found a bit of peace of mind when I decided that nope, probably I don’t actually remember that word for word.

It seems counterintuitive, but for me it works. My memories are what they are. They’re imperfect (fact). Everyone’s are.

But they’re as good as I’ve got, and that’s okay. That’s enough. I don’t need to remember perfectly, I just need to remember enough.
 

Jnean

MyPTSD Pro
I'm glad you shared! I too have a terrible memory but I have PTSD for a reason and was able to put pieces of puzzled memories of my trauma together through therapy to see a clear enough picture. I also have specific memories and flashbacks I remember. It's been a 5 years now that I've been dealing with my trauma off and on since I didn't have any memories of my trauma before that. They were repressed until I had a concussion. And I've gone back and forth with saying to myself what if im wrong but my body tells me I'm not. My PTSD tells me im not wrong. My therapist helps me see that I'm not wrong and other support. It's hard for me to accept still but I'm working on it. Keep sharing!
 

KimmyO

Learning
Sounds like you might be a victim of gas lighting. It is when people mess with your mind by confusing you and saying you are wrong all the time and are crazy, that something you said happened didn't happen. It makes a person doubt themselves all the time. Trust yourself, don't go over it again and again in your head, or the story might change in your mind as you reflect and "answer back". Even then, remember you can't change people, just yourself, so you are only responsible for you and what you say, not what someone else says or manipulates you with. Don't let yourself be manipulated, just be sure of your own words and actions and "delete" the things that are tricky from other people, walk on and be you, their life or lies are their own problem, don't make it yours. =) Best to you, dear! Oh, another suggestion, taking magnesium and ginseng will help calm your spirit and mind and body a lot, taking them daily will make a big improvement in your peace. =)
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
Yes. I have this issue and as KinmyO suggests is probable, mine stems from gaslighting.

How I tackle it; If something must be done in a particular way I ask for written instructions or make written notes as the person tells me, then review them with the person.

In normal conversation I accept it’s not always important to be right and place my belief in Doubt unless I am certain , but I won’t always argue it. I let lots go. But i’d Be absolutely lying if I said this cured that problem. I register it and it has saved me in the last year from accepting an apology and returning into a friendship where gaslighting has featured. And the year before instilling tighter boundaries on one where there was some I believe unintended manipulation.

I understand the origin of it and so I don’t feel as bad about it.

( also it’s ‘normal’ for people to contradict themselves and small idiosyncrasies and hypocrisies: It’s part of our identity, and unless we are self aware and in lots of therapy or of philosophical bent we don’t tend to challenge ourselves on this.... so it’s a given something’s will contradict/ change in other people’s dialogue. If it’s not manipulation it’s not my problem. If it is my job is to move away not challenge them on this usually. ( there are many circumstances this isn’t possible)
 

Vero

Learning
Trust yourself, don't go over it again and again in your head, or the story might change in your mind as you reflect and "answer back".

Thank you, you are right, the more I think about it the more confused I am...sometimes it is a challenge to trust myself but I want to grow in this.
 

AnnieMae

Confident
I feel the same way. I was manipulated and told things that weren’t true. My whole life is ruined because of it. I literally don’t know who I am anymore because of it. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. And every therapist has a different opinion on things. It is so confusing.
 
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