Contact between sessions - Afraid T will drop me, at any moment

wisteria

Confident
So, I think I'm 2 months into my new therapist. Trust is a big struggle for me but I like him overall. But there is always a BUT. It dawned on me today (after our session) that I still fear him rejecting me (I also have issues with rejection). It doesn't help that we don't have a consistent schedule. At one point we had a month of appointments scheduled, but now we are down to 2 future appointments scheduled. Part of me apparently fears that he will drop me at any moment, I think. I don't think that is doing much for the trust. I'm really tempted to email him my concerns rather than waiting until our next appointment, but we never addressed contact between appointments. Obviously I could wait, but it's hard to trust someone who you don't think is going to stick around. Honestly, I'm kinda surprised he hasn't picked up on this issue sooner, but hey, I am a guarded so I'll let it slide. He did ask today if there was anything he could do to make me less anxious about therapy? Should I wait? Should I email him? I just don't know. I don't want to break any boundaries but it does seem relevant, rather than me worrying that he'll drop me.
 

Defaultxlove

MyPTSD Pro
Donations
$125.00
So, I think I'm 2 months into my new therapist. Trust is a big struggle for me but I like him overall. But there is always a BUT. It dawned on me today (after our session) that I still fear him rejecting me (I also have issues with rejection). It doesn't help that we don't have a consistent schedule. At one point we had a month of appointments scheduled, but now we are down to 2 future appointments scheduled. Part of me apparently fears that he will drop me at any moment, I think. I don't think that is doing much for the trust. I'm really tempted to email him my concerns rather than waiting until our next appointment, but we never addressed contact between appointments. Obviously I could wait, but it's hard to trust someone who you don't think is going to stick around. Honestly, I'm kinda surprised he hasn't picked up on this issue sooner, but hey, I am a guarded so I'll let it slide. He did ask today if there was anything he could do to make me less anxious about therapy? Should I wait? Should I email him? I just don't know. I don't want to break any boundaries but it does seem relevant, rather than me worrying that he'll drop me.
This made me look back. And my T basically has set the schedule each time. She always had a suggestion of when she would like to meet next. I must have said I was stressed about it now that I think about it.

It's definitely worth bringing up.

I thought maybe he suggested two times out as to lighten your load if you're having a tough time with therapy?
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
I'm really tempted to email him my concerns rather than waiting until our next appointment, but we never addressed contact between appointments.
If you haven’t already discussed this my vote is to use your coping skills to sit with your discomfort and then bring this up at the next session. That topic doesn’t sound easily worked through over email. And not trusting your T is super normal, so conversations about that are kind of one of the main points of therapy, I think.

Also your desire to talk to him in order to improve the trust is a good sign, in my opinion. Uncomfortable? Definitely. The work is almost always uncomfortable. Since you are early on in therapy this is a good time to practice coping tools. I bet your therapist would be proud to hear you say something like, “It was really uncomfortable to sit with this until I saw you, so I did a lot of (journaling, art, talking, etc.) and I need to tell you that…”and then you could talk about the trust and the scheduling and what to do in the future if you feel a strong need to connect, etc.
 

wisteria

Confident
This made me look back. And my T basically has set the schedule each time. She always had a suggestion of when she would like to meet next. I must have said I was stressed about it now that I think about it.
Really?! All my previous therapists gave me a set time, Tues at 10 or whatever, so I'm surprised to hear this of yours. That is strangely reassuring, because I was totally taking it too personally that he was doling out a couple at a time. thanks!

If you haven’t already discussed this my vote is to use your coping skills to sit with your discomfort and then bring this up at the next session. That topic doesn’t sound easily worked through over email. And not trusting your T is super normal, so conversations about that are kind of one of the main points of therapy, I think.

Also your desire to talk to him in order to improve the trust is a good sign, in my opinion. Uncomfortable? Definitely. The work is almost always uncomfortable. Since you are early on in therapy this is a good time to practice coping tools. I bet your therapist would be proud to hear you say something like, “It was really uncomfortable to sit with this until I saw you, so I did a lot of (journaling, art, talking, etc.) and I need to tell you that…”and then you could talk about the trust and the scheduling and what to do in the future if you feel a strong need to connect, etc.
Thanks OliveJewel! I think I will at least sleep on it. I feel all this pressure to trust him, which is kinda silly considering, so it's good to hear that not trusting him is normal. Not really looking forward to sitting with MORE discomfort tho, lol.
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
And my T basically has set the schedule each time.

ll my previous therapists gave me a set time, Tues at 10 or whatever,
@wisteria, my experience with new therapists has been more like @Defaultxlove than yours and it was very very hard for me. But, they all knew that I wanted and needed a consistent schedule, not just due to my anxiety but due to my work schedule and commitments to my kids as a single parent.

A lot of therapists today are juggling a full caseload of client/patients and if they are seeing them once a week or twice a month depending upon where they are in treatment your T may not have a set time block each week that he can see you as he has clients that finishing treatment or clients that come in every 6 weeks or once a quarter for a touch base appointment. The pandemic has brought a lot of people to therapy that never considered it before, so my 2 cents and it is just an opinion so if you don't like it you can ignore, as uncomfortable as you are, hold this conversation for your next session, then discuss your need for consistency. Your T may or may not be able to accommodate that need immediately, but if you don't tell them they won't know and you can't work towards a resolution.
 

wisteria

Confident
@wisteria, my experience with new therapists has been more like @Defaultxlove than yours and it was very very hard for me. But, they all knew that I wanted and needed a consistent schedule, not just due to my anxiety
Okay, maybe consistent was the wrong word. I actually DON'T need a consistent schedule. What I would like is stability, ie not feeling like he is going to drop me as a client at a drop of a hat. I guess realistically only a shitty therapist would do that, so it is just my fear of rejection rearing it's ugly head. I've just lost a lot of people lately and am freaked about putting my trust in someone else only to have them leave. Since I'm used to having a committed consistent schedule, this imagined instability is throwing me for a loop
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
my own trust issues are such that no matter what the details surrounding my current circumstances, i WILL find a reason to mistrust. mistrust is a dominant symptom of the psychosis i am in therapy for.

saving the decision of whether to send the email for a later date, i would write it, anyway. the writing helps me get ^it^ into words and, at the very least, makes for greater clarity when i bring it up during the next session.
 

KayW

Learning
@wisteria I know you already have some really good replies here, but just wanted to add my thoughts.

Im about 4 months with this therapist and am only just starting to trust - I know im starting to trust because Im starting to worry about him not wanting to work with me (rejection). The 2 things kind of go together.

But I think, the way we feel about the relationship with a therapist is a really good way of looking at how we are in other relationships, so it would be really good to discuss when you see them again. I think Ill do the same.
 
P

Paula

So, I think I'm 2 months into my new therapist. Trust is a big struggle for me but I like him overall. But there is always a BUT. It dawned on me today (after our session) that I still fear him rejecting me (I also have issues with rejection). It doesn't help that we don't have a consistent schedule. At one point we had a month of appointments scheduled, but now we are down to 2 future appointments scheduled. Part of me apparently fears that he will drop me at any moment, I think. I don't think that is doing much for the trust. I'm really tempted to email him my concerns rather than waiting until our next appointment, but we never addressed contact between appointments. Obviously I could wait, but it's hard to trust someone who you don't think is going to stick around. Honestly, I'm kinda surprised he hasn't picked up on this issue sooner, but hey, I am a guarded so I'll let it slide. He did ask today if there was anything he could do to make me less anxious about therapy? Should I wait? Should I email him? I just don't know. I don't want to break any boundaries but it does seem relevant, rather than me worrying that he'll drop me.
Please pick up the hone and call him,text write a email to him about this issue. He cannot read your mind,no matter how much you want him to. He is reaching out to you in asking if there is anything that he could do to make you feel more comfortable.
 

Friday

Moderator
Should I wait? Should I email him? I just don't know. I don't want to break any boundaries but it does seem relevant, rather than me worrying that he'll drop me.
“You asked me a question today, and I’ve thought on it, and realized XYZ.”

Email him.
Call him.
Wait for next week.

All good answers.

As would any in between sort of answers, like writing it out now, and bringing it in next week. Or emailing him now, but not expecting a response until your session.
 

wisteria

Confident
Im about 4 months with this therapist and am only just starting to trust - I know im starting to trust because Im starting to worry about him not wanting to work with me (rejection). The 2 things kind of go together.
This is kinda exactly what I realized last night and actually wrote in my trauma diary on here. So I guess that's some sort of progress. For both of us. 🙂🙃

saving the decision of whether to send the email for a later date, i would write it, anyway. the writing helps me get ^it^ into words and, at the very least, makes for greater clarity when i bring it up during the next session.
I wrote the email.........then deleted the draft so I wouldn't accidently send it lol. idk if that was the right decision but I'll try to bring it up next session. I have an annoying tendency to talk myself out of these important conversations😝
 

KayW

Learning
This is kinda exactly what I realized last night and actually wrote in my trauma diary on here. So I guess that's some sort of progress. For both of us. 🙂
Im glad you shared this, its encouraging. And yes, hopefully we will both make progress.
I have an annoying tendency to talk myself out of these important conversations😝
This is something else I stuggle with. Advice from my therapist was that if theres something I know I want to talk about, to say straight away, I have something I want to talk about today... rather than trying to guess what might be the right tme to bring it up.
 
Top