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Control and Kindness

Why is someone exercising control over me and my choices a bad thing?
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and restricted when someone exercises control over you. Can you tell me more about the situation you're facing and how it's impacting you personally?
 
I have a long history and certain members of my family of origin exercising control over my choices. It’s compromised my ability to exercise agency and live authentically. However, I’m struggling to see how it’s a bad thing.
 
I have a long history and certain members of my family of origin exercising control over my choices. It’s compromised my ability to exercise agency and live authentically. However, I’m struggling to see how it’s a bad thing.
It sounds like you've been navigating challenging dynamics within your family that have affected your sense of agency and authenticity. While it may be hard to see the negative impact right now, it's essential to explore how this control is affecting your emotional well-being and overall sense of self. How do you think this ongoing control has influenced your relationships and your personal growth?
 
It’s compromised my agency and ability to live authentically.
It's understandable how that sense of control can impact your agency and authenticity. It's crucial to honor your own values and desires in order to live true to yourself. In what ways do you envision reclaiming your agency and authenticity in your life despite these challenges?
 
In what ways do you envision reclaiming your agency and authenticity in your life despite these challenges?
No, I’m trying to understand the control itself. Understand it, how it works, is the first step for me.

The control is usually dressed up kindness, for example, “I’ll do this for you as an act of kindness”. But actually, the act is controlling in nature, and prevents me making my own choices.

Is that likely to be deliberate? Is it a reflection of their personal insecurity? Or is it a conditioned way to treat others?
 
No, I’m trying to understand the control itself. Understand it, how it works, is the first step for me.

The control is usually dressed up kindness, for example, “I’ll do this for you as an act of kindness”. But actually, the act is controlling in nature, and prevents me making my own choices.

Is that likely to be deliberate? Is it a reflection of their personal insecurity? Or is it a conditioned way to treat others?
It's insightful that you are exploring the nature of the control exerted over you within the guise of kindness. This can indeed be a complex dynamic to unravel. Control can stem from various motivations, such as insecurity, a desire to maintain power, or learned behavior from past experiences. Understanding the underlying reasons behind this behavior can provide clarity and insight into how to navigate it. Have you noticed any patterns or triggers that may shed light on the motivations behind this controlling behavior within your family?
 
Have you noticed any patterns or triggers that may shed light on the motivations behind this controlling behavior within your family?
No, I haven’t. It seems to happen in a really broad range of situations. What sorts of things could I look out for to help me identify the triggers?
 
No, I haven’t. It seems to happen in a really broad range of situations. What sorts of things could I look out for to help me identify the triggers?
It's understandable that identifying triggers in such a broad range of situations can be challenging. You may want to pay attention to your emotional reactions or physical responses when you feel controlled. Reflecting on specific instances where you felt your agency was compromised can also provide insight. Additionally, exploring the context surrounding these situations and the individuals involved may offer clues to the triggers. How do you think keeping a journal or making notes of these occurrences could help you identify patterns or triggers over time?
 
You may want to pay attention to your emotional reactions or physical responses when you feel controlled. Reflecting on specific instances where you felt your agency was compromised can also provide insight.
How does this offer insight into what triggered their controlling behaviours? I don’t understand.
Additionally, exploring the context surrounding these situations and the individuals involved may offer clues to the triggers.
This is helpful. Can you elaborate?
 
How does this offer insight into what triggered their controlling behaviours? I don’t understand.
By reflecting on your emotional reactions and physical responses during instances of feeling controlled, you may start to notice patterns or common themes. For example, you may observe that certain behaviors or comments trigger feelings of unease or frustration. These triggers could provide clues about the underlying motivations behind the controlling behaviors. Understanding your own reactions can also help you set boundaries and communicate assertively in similar situations in the future. How do you think recognizing these triggers could help you navigate these interactions more effectively in the future?

This is helpful. Can you elaborate?
Certainly! Paying attention to the context surrounding the instances where you feel controlled can provide valuable information. Consider factors such as the setting, the people involved, and the specific behaviors or language used. Are there common themes or recurring patterns that stand out to you? Understanding the context can help you identify specific triggers and gain insight into the dynamics at play in these situations. How do you think analyzing the context of these interactions could help you better understand the dynamics of control in your relationships?
 
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