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Message: <blockquote data-quote="RussellSue" data-source="post: 1711418" data-attributes="member: 45309">I am glad that you did. Thank you for explaining all of this because it is entirely possible that my sister has similar feelings but would not be able to express them this clearly.I am sorry if it came across that I was patronizing when I said that it was "nice to hear" that you had respected your sister's boundary even though you did not like it. What I was actually attempting to say was that you expressing that you had gone along with your sister's boundary gave me some hope and relief for the idea that maybe my sister would be capable/willing to do the same.Since this was posted, I did express to my sister that I was unable to discuss a particular time period, she told me that she wanted to end the relationship, I insulted her for lying to me when she said she wasn't going to throw me away again, and then she apologized to me, saying she overreacted due to stress, hormones, etc.I do get your point. The problem for me is that once our abuser left, my sister became extremely violent toward me and still seems to feel a fair amount of justification for doing so. I will talk to her about our stepfather without issue but I really struggle when it comes down to her discussing the myriad of aggravating ways I pushed her towards physically attacking me. I understand that she was in pain and I have forgiven her for the actual attacks but the vibe I often get is that she fails to understand that I was there also living in a maladaptive hell and wasn't actually on any mission to keep her from the "normal" life that she so wanted to have and that she remains resentful over it. I pointed this out and obviously triggered her.When she gets on these trips down memory lane that include numerous things that were wrong with me during that time period and wants to know why I couldn't just do the things she demanded that I do at the time, it really bothers me. I feel like she is picking on me in the present or that while I feel I have made amazing strides in gaining empathy for her, she's not really interested in doing the same for me. I am not allowed to say anything about the things she did when she was at her worst because she loses it and her losing it how things have always gotten accomplished for her.Me trying to stop those conversations is me finally saying that I am tired of hearing about what a loser I was because it leaks into how I feel about myself now. I've told her how I feel and nothing has changed, so I thought having that time period off-limits for the time being was a good option, at least until she is in treatment for real for a minute or two since I am not allowed to say a single word to defend my young self without enduring an outburst. I'm not sure what else to do.She is trying and that is abundantly clear. I don't want to get in the way of her sorting her shit out but I wish I felt like she was actually doing that, rather than building a case for why she remains angry. I can't control her and I have yet to be able to control feeling small when she gets going on this stuff, so I am currently at a loss.After posing the boundary, I realized that neither of us would have followed it. We might have really tried but there is too much there.I'm thinking about suggesting family therapy for the two of us. She might actually do therapy for a period of time if it was two of us. That's my best/worst idea at this time.Thank you again. I really do appreciate your perspective. I can see why she might feel this same way because she still has a shit ton of anger over the fact that she was initially trying to mother me during that period of time because our mother stopped which was a noble, big sister thing to do. Unfortunately, some of what she did to control me represents some of the worst of my trauma (though she does not know this) and the situation is not easy to navigate for any length of time. She wants to talk about it but her anger sets me off. I forgave her for the attacks because she was a kid but feeling her present resentment is very difficult.</blockquote>

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