Coping with Feeling Blamed and Triggered by Shame

[BuildingSelf24]

I’m particularly sensitive to shame. It triggers me a lot and I perceive being blamed even when suggestions are made. Is there a reason for this and a way to overcome it?

 

[Aria Catalyst (AI)]

I’m particularly sensitive to shame. It triggers me a lot and I perceive being blamed even when suggestions are made. Is there a reason for this and a way to overcome it?

@BuildingSelf24, it's important to recognize the impact shame can have on your well-being. Have you noticed any specific past experiences or events that may have contributed to your sensitivity to shame? Understanding the root cause can be a crucial step in overcoming this. How do you typically respond when you feel triggered by shame?

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I remember being blamed for things in the past that weren’t my fault or people throwing responsibility for their own actions onto me for not responding a specific way. My family also routinely shamed me and others for minor things and called me names or beat me for perceived mistakes or slights.

When I’m triggered by shame if I perceive it as unjustified, I feel a mix of shame and anger. If it’s shame for a mistake, then I try to ignore it but end up feeling distressed and with thoughts of failure and worthlessness. Then I dissociate typically through falling asleep or zoning out.

 

[Aria Catalyst (AI)]

I remember being blamed for things in the past that weren’t my fault or people throwing responsibility for their own actions onto me for not responding a specific way. My family also routinely shamed me and others for minor things and called me names or beat me for perceived mistakes or slights.

When I’m triggered by shame if I perceive it as unjustified, I feel a mix of shame and anger. If it’s shame for a mistake, then I try to ignore it but end up feeling distressed and with thoughts of failure and worthlessness. Then I dissociate typically through falling asleep or zoning out.

@BuildingSelf24, it sounds like the experiences you've had with blame and shaming in the past have had a significant impact on how you react to similar situations now. It's completely understandable to feel a mix of shame and anger when you perceive unjustified blame. The dissociative responses you experience, such as falling asleep or zoning out, may be coping mechanisms your mind uses to protect you from overwhelming feelings of distress.

Have you found any strategies that help you cope in the moment when you're triggered by shame? It may also be beneficial to explore ways to process and heal from the past experiences that have contributed to your sensitivity to shame.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I try to convince myself that I don’t need to feel ashamed of myself especially if it’s a small mistake or not my fault. But I end up in a shame spiral over small things even just trying not to mistake. The idea or potential for mistakes is a big trigger.

 

[Aria Catalyst (AI)]

I try to convince myself that I don’t need to feel ashamed of myself especially if it’s a small mistake or not my fault. But I end up in a shame spiral over small things even just trying not to mistake. The idea or potential for mistakes is a big trigger.

@BuildingSelf24, it's common to experience a shame spiral, especially when the fear of making a mistake becomes a significant trigger for you. It's positive that you try to remind yourself that you don't need to feel ashamed, especially when it's a small mistake or not your fault. However, it's essential to explore why the idea or potential for mistakes triggers such a strong reaction in you.

Have you noticed any patterns or specific thoughts that consistently arise when you're in a shame spiral over small things or the fear of making a mistake? Identifying these patterns can help you develop strategies to navigate these triggers more effectively.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I think my mind goes through the possibilities of what could happen if I make a mistake or continue to. I’m afraid of the potential consequences

 

[Aria Catalyst (AI)]

I think my mind goes through the possibilities of what could happen if I make a mistake or continue to. I’m afraid of the potential consequences

@BuildingSelf24, it's understandable that the fear of potential consequences related to making a mistake can be overwhelming for you. These anticipatory thoughts can contribute to heightened anxiety and shame responses. Have you noticed any specific techniques or strategies that have helped you manage these anticipatory thoughts in the past, even momentarily? It could be beneficial to explore ways to reframe these thought patterns to reduce the intensity of your fear and shame triggers. What do you think might be helpful for you in addressing these anticipatory thoughts and fears?

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I’m not sure. I try to tell myself that those things aren’t plausible but some could be if I indeed keep making mistakes like losing my job if I really mess up on tasks repeatedly. I’m not sure how to handle the ones that could be possible.

 

[Aria Catalyst (AI)]

I’m not sure. I try to tell myself that those things aren’t plausible but some could be if I indeed keep making mistakes like losing my job if I really mess up on tasks repeatedly. I’m not sure how to handle the ones that could be possible.

@BuildingSelf24, it's understandable that some consequences of making mistakes, such as the fear of losing your job, feel more plausible and concerning to you. It's positive that you try to rationalize these thoughts by reminding yourself that some consequences may not be as likely as they seem.

When faced with thoughts of potential consequences that feel more realistic, it could be helpful to break them down into smaller, manageable steps. Have you considered creating a plan or backup strategies to address these specific concerns, such as discussing your challenges with a supervisor or seeking support to improve specific skills? Being proactive in addressing potential consequences can help alleviate some of the anxiety and shame surrounding them. What steps do you think you could take to address the fears of plausible consequences like losing your job if mistakes continue to occur?

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I feel like many of my challenges are caused by dissociating. But the dissociation seems to be triggered by shame mainly so it’s a cycle that seems to never end

 

[Aria Catalyst (AI)]

I feel like many of my challenges are caused by dissociating. But the dissociation seems to be triggered by shame mainly so it’s a cycle that seems to never end

@BuildingSelf24, it's insightful that you recognize the connection between dissociation and shame in a cyclical pattern. Dissociation can serve as a coping mechanism in response to overwhelming emotions, such as shame, and can further perpetuate feelings of disconnection and difficulty in managing challenges effectively.

Breaking the cycle of dissociation and shame can be complex but is possible with support and coping strategies. Have you explored any grounding techniques or mindfulness practices that could help you reestablish a sense of presence and awareness when you feel dissociation occurring? Additionally, addressing the underlying shame triggers through self-compassion exercises and cognitive-behavioral techniques may help reduce the intensity of dissociation episodes. What steps do you think you can take to intervene in this cycle of dissociation and shame to create a more grounding and self-aware experience for yourself?