• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Could he possibly sexually abuse someone?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I

Ipo

My sufferer was sexually abused as a young boy. Some years later he turned around and did something similar to another boy, although I don't know exactly what it was. All I know is his parents found out and immediately put him in therapy. Aside from now being a highly sexual adult who's had many partners, I haven't really seen any massive red flags. There are only two things that were tiny blips on my admittedly somewhat paranoid radar: 1) He has several young nieces, all under the age of 12 whom he loves and adores. I saw what looked like a really brief cloud pass over his face when he looked at the oldest girl's face the other night, almost like he did a super quick double take, but that was it. Then 2) We were watching a movie in which young middle school kids fall in love, and he jokingly said, "That guy's about to get his first boner" and said the girl was "really cute" but in an "awwww" sort of way, if that makes sense. I should also mention he's ALWAYS had a pretty caustic sense of humor that borders on inappropriate (always involving adults though). So I don't know if I'm just feeling on edge with the litany of accusations coming out lately and am connecting dots where there really are none, or if I have valid reason for concern based on the examples I provided combined with his past.
 
I'm ashamed to admit it, but that thought has crossed my mind as well. I did a lot of research on the topic, statistics as to how many sexually abused boys go on to abuse themselves. Not enough to be statistically relevant, is what turned up. And also, that it's a prevailing societal misconception. Most men who abuse were abused themselves. But not all men who were abused go on to abuse.

That said, yes, I've noticed my husband get somewhat uncomfortable around his brother's two young children. I'm not going to lie, my radar was up as to why that's the case. He has explained to me that it's difficult for him to be around kids that are around the same age that he was when he was abused, especially within the family, because that's where it happened to him. So that's been a way to explain it. Then of course, he wouldn't say that it's because he's having "thoughts."

In the end what's reassured me is the knowledge that him being abused is not a verifiable predictor of his own abusive behavior. So that means, the likelihood of him being a pedophile is as high as with any other guy I've been with.

But on some days, when I don't have my paranoia in check, I do veer into some pretty dark thoughts about how I'd ever know if it were the case. Then again, what do you ever really know about anyone right?
 
To add an analogy to understand the statistics (Most who abuse were abused. But not all or even most who were abused go on to offend) that can help put the likelihood of offending into perspective:

Most medical doctors have a college degree. But not all or even most people with a college degree go on to become medical doctors.

That gives you a perspective of the vast pool of people (college degree/abused) and those who go down a certain path (medical doctor/offender.)

Hardening into that misconception is like the misguided assumption that everyone in college is going to be a medical doctor. The likelihood of someone choosing that route or even getting that far are pretty slim.
 
This seems to be a fairly credible source. Link Removed

The relevant myth is #7 on the list, but the whole list is worth reading. (It says that most sex offenders weren't sexually assaulted as kids and most people who were assaulted don't go on to be offenders.)
 
Thank you everyone! Your insight makes so much sense and really helps keep things in check when it can be so easy to go down the rabbit hole...Thank you again!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top