Sweetleaf
MyPTSD Pro
The stuff that gave me PTSD is all basically domestic violence related. Physical abuse, sexual assault, emotional abuse and manipulation, all repeated for years. During the last year of that, for a few months I worked at a liquor store.
There were many incidents of harassment of various types, but one incident stands out - the incident which ultimately made me quit that job out of fear. One night I had to refuse sale to a group of people because they were drunk. They then insulted me a bunch, and one of them began to get really threatening. He got right up to the edge of the counter, saying he was going to kill me when I left, saying he was going to beat me up, etc. He was very threatening and I was really scared, I was afraid of so many things. I started dissociating during the event. They had actually visited the shop and been denied sale by me the previous night, for the same reason, and that pattern really made me worry about them coming back again. I felt extremely nervous downtown (where the shop was). Super paranoid that I'd see that guy and he'd attack me or do other bad things. My boss let me take the next few days off. They never came back, and I started going back to work.
I felt that anxiety and paranoia walking to work from my car and vice versa, and it was intense. Just driving there, as I got close, my heart would start beating insanely fast and start skipping beats and things, and I was super nervous. When drunks would come in (multiple times a day) I would get extremely anxious, because I was afraid they would freak out on me. After maybe a week or so after that incident, I quit. I couldn't stand going there anymore.
Do you think this might be the source of my paranoia and anxiety in public? My therapist thinks it's odd that I have anxiety and paranoia in public, when my abuse basically came from one person. So far I thought my PTSD was only related to the DV stuff. Seeing as this incident took place during the domestic violence, maybe it got stuck in there with the other things that are messing with me? I haven't thought of talking about this with my therapist yet but I plan to.
There were many incidents of harassment of various types, but one incident stands out - the incident which ultimately made me quit that job out of fear. One night I had to refuse sale to a group of people because they were drunk. They then insulted me a bunch, and one of them began to get really threatening. He got right up to the edge of the counter, saying he was going to kill me when I left, saying he was going to beat me up, etc. He was very threatening and I was really scared, I was afraid of so many things. I started dissociating during the event. They had actually visited the shop and been denied sale by me the previous night, for the same reason, and that pattern really made me worry about them coming back again. I felt extremely nervous downtown (where the shop was). Super paranoid that I'd see that guy and he'd attack me or do other bad things. My boss let me take the next few days off. They never came back, and I started going back to work.
I felt that anxiety and paranoia walking to work from my car and vice versa, and it was intense. Just driving there, as I got close, my heart would start beating insanely fast and start skipping beats and things, and I was super nervous. When drunks would come in (multiple times a day) I would get extremely anxious, because I was afraid they would freak out on me. After maybe a week or so after that incident, I quit. I couldn't stand going there anymore.
Do you think this might be the source of my paranoia and anxiety in public? My therapist thinks it's odd that I have anxiety and paranoia in public, when my abuse basically came from one person. So far I thought my PTSD was only related to the DV stuff. Seeing as this incident took place during the domestic violence, maybe it got stuck in there with the other things that are messing with me? I haven't thought of talking about this with my therapist yet but I plan to.