Cptsd And Being A Mom

[ann1982]

Hi to all,

I am new here. I have a almost a year old child. The situation is, that I have a CPTSD and I was about to start work for a short period.

Starting work was trigger and I collapsed to total trauma flashback in just two days. I couldn't be at home I felt so bad. So I went to mental hospital. This happened two weeks ago.

Today I am at home from the hospital, at a vacation. I met my husband and baby here, we spent together only one hour.

The problem is, that being with my child is difficult. Along with starting the work, the growth and developing independency of my child, serves as a trigger.

When triggered I feel totally hopeless, I feel terrible self-hate, I feel depersonalisation.

I have managed to piece together myself a bit but I notice that seeing my baby makes me feel worse. My inner child who is terrified, fears my own child. (!) My husband and baby have been at my husbands parents during my time in hospital, and they still stay there.

At the same time I also miss my child and feel bad, that I am not parenting her.

At the moment I feel a bit better without her. But still: this is a terrible situation.

Have anyone had something similar? Could you share your experience, I would be deeply grateful.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Ann
Welcome to the forum.

Sorry that you are finding this happening to you.

There is at least one member who has posted about being triggered by having a child and then the child's vulnerability.

She's not here very often at the moment, as she's recently had a second baby. I'll send her a private message, so that the next time she signs in she can come to your thread.

you've come to a really good place.
@

 

[ann1982]

Thank you so much for your answer and support. (!) I'll waite, if this woman contacts me.

Ann