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Cut for the first time in over a year...

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Isn’t that how ptsd plays out?

Right. It shouldn't suprise me. What frustrates me is along with my therapist we have come up with amazingly creative ways to try to feel more safe posting and nothing is seeming to work. I don't know what it is. I feel like I am at the core of something and my god the rest of me doesn't want me to be there. I have no idea what it is but my god! The posts I have found my way in only was by following someone else. I can't even open one any other way. That I've been able to find anyway.

Nothing you are going through warrants punishment, & we all want you well, not more hurt.

Thank you. Yeah, last night was about punishment. For sure. I haven't been that much on a misson to punish myself in a real long time. Was kind of scary actually.

Just don't listen to all the self talk in your head ( easier said than done) that may come with being afraid to say something.

Yeah. That's been really hard. Up to cutting again, I guess.

Thank y'all though! It means everything to me that you care this much! Really, thank you!
 
to try to feel more safe
This is one of the reasons for the Social forum, right? Maybe it’s a temporary thing that will recede as some of these big life issues pass, but there’s tonnes of members that spend time just sticking with the social forums. Participating in the community, but in seriously non-threatening threads, just practicing being present as part of the community.

It’s not just you that feels like this, and like all things PTSD? It may well run its own course in tandem with your stress levels.
 
This is one of the reasons for the Social forum, right? Maybe it’s a temporary thing that will recede as some of these big life issues pass, but there’s tonnes of members that spend time just sticking with the social forums. Participating in the community, but in seriously non-threatening threads, just practicing being present as part of the community.

Yep. Started posting in social last night. Maybe a tad here or there in posts that came on up on alerts but the only area where I could open posts was in social and news area. Will try that. Thanks.

Maybe set the phone down and try some drawings? Will be going to the hospital today regardless so if they admit me, I won't have much else to do anyway. I am not sure how fast they will be doing surgery but hopefully quickly.

It's T-minus count down to my Drs appointment to learn if I have thyroid cancer or not. An hour and a half from now. My chest feels so heavy just from anxiety! I keep saying in my head in a Schwarzenegger voice "I can do this".
 
I saw your post and I'm actually feeling like this right now. I wanted to mention a couple things that I hope might help you out. Ive been asking myself this, too.

* "What emotions are you not wanting to feel?" *

This is a big deal for me. I got it from a book and company dealing with self injury therapy called ""Bodily Harm. SAFE, Safe Alternatives for Everyone."

Another thing they suggest is to create a window of opportunity, where you basically wait to self injure.

"I will not hurt myself this second, this minute, this hour."

I did it once a few years ago. But I really stopped in 98.
❤❤❤ I will hope for you.
 
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