Does anybody have experience in cutting out a parent or other immediate family member? I'm 27 years old and have recently come to terms with honoring my past tween/teenage promise to herself that if she made it into her adult years, she wouldn't have to have anything to do with the one who made her life so horrible (my substance abusing father). I've explained this directly to my brothers and my mother for the first time in my life. I was really the only one who knew about his substance abuse because I was the only one who he harassed while everyone else was asleep or away. It was a huge step for me to open up to my family, but I didn't feel like my father deserved to hear about this decision from me, and I didn't feel like I deserved to shoulder that responsibility being that I have very intense trauma and triggers even from seeing or hearing from him.
But as time goes on I find the situation getting more complicated, since my mom doesn't confront anything directly in her own life (including her marriage problems) and I'm finding that no one is going to tell my dad why I'm cutting him out except for me.
My therapist thinks that eventually talking to my father is something that I should do. I feel very torn about it, which is why I would love to hear different people's stories of how similar situations played out. Thanks for taking the time to read, and sharing your own perspectives.
Just to make a couple things clear, me telling my father myself would not be for the purpose of "telling him what he did wrong" or of wanting an apology. I also don't necessarily want my mother or brothers to "tell him for me." I simply want a way to be clearly separated so that there is a distinction for my boundaries. Maybe sending a mass email to my mother and brothers and explaining more of my trauma is an option to explore. Like I said, I would love to hear others experiences with this. Thanks in advance!
But as time goes on I find the situation getting more complicated, since my mom doesn't confront anything directly in her own life (including her marriage problems) and I'm finding that no one is going to tell my dad why I'm cutting him out except for me.
My therapist thinks that eventually talking to my father is something that I should do. I feel very torn about it, which is why I would love to hear different people's stories of how similar situations played out. Thanks for taking the time to read, and sharing your own perspectives.
Just to make a couple things clear, me telling my father myself would not be for the purpose of "telling him what he did wrong" or of wanting an apology. I also don't necessarily want my mother or brothers to "tell him for me." I simply want a way to be clearly separated so that there is a distinction for my boundaries. Maybe sending a mass email to my mother and brothers and explaining more of my trauma is an option to explore. Like I said, I would love to hear others experiences with this. Thanks in advance!