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Dom Violence Dad getting rageful

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Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
My dad who’s a narcissist is back to work after lazing around and living off of his dad for almost two years. I live with him, my mom, my brother and his daughter. I just started school again online after about 20 months off at the same time. I’ve been living somewhere else for my job (overnight pet sitting/general pet sitting) and I just am back after about two weeks away. I barely have time to interact with him but today I did and I regret it.

He’s worse every day he comes back from work. He’s not in a total rage or anything but just smaller emotionally abusive remarks here one there. I didn’t avoid them like I usually do today and I regret it. It was just two things he said that were bad and now I’m stuck in hypervigilance and I’m shaking. I can’t focus on my schoolwork at all. I feel like...it’s like it’s not like he’s hitting us or anything (he has attacked my brother though when my brother got in his face for stealing money from him) it’s just he can never be wrong and if you say he did something wrong or he doesn’t like he gets so mean. Like today my mom asked him if she could turn the air up because it was cold in the house and he said in a really nasty voice “don’t even ask me that.” Then calls in this really righteous voice “there’s a new rule in this house! Don’t ask me about the air!” I feel like I’m overreacting and it’s not even that big of a deal but it’s completely thrown me off. He also made a rude remark at my brother at dinner becuase it’s his fault about something and my dad was like “you don’t need to say that.” And later said yeah it’s my fault!!!

I’m usually so good at just letting his bs roll off my shoulders but I’m struggling in my classes already and balancing school and work at the end of the day my body shuts down from the stress (I get really cold and achey and I start shaking). I’m sleeping enough and eating well but it’s already physically affecting me, and this on top of it. I can’t afford to move out. I know I posted about that earlier and so many people were like that’s all I can do and I can’t make excuses but I honestly can’t.

I feel pretty hopeless that I can do this all at once.
 
I barely have time to interact with him but today I did and I regret it.
Hi @Strangelongtrip ^^ If you cannot leave home right now I'd suggest you shut-down from him as much as possible as you seem to have done until today.

The challenge is not to be drawn into his drama and stay as separate as you can until you can safely leave and not return.

It's not a good compromise but it would seem, practically speaking, to be the only option.

I hope you have a quiet and safe place to do your study and are able to settle back down and move forward with it. :hug:
 
I have a very similar situation with my dad. He sounds almost the same as yours, in terms of the emotional abuse and just being generally rude and self righteous and rageful towards everyone in the family. I am lucky to be living away from him now, but I had to move back home for over a year after I graduated college and it was rough. I found what helped most is what everyone here has already said — detach as much as possible. I used to engage a lot with my dad when he got like that, but I learned to just walk away. Especially when I hear him using those tones with others in the family. I would just get up and go to my room.

I know it may not be the most helpful advice. I know you probably feel trapped. But I’m mostly here to say I can relate and empathize with you a lot. You shouldn’t feel bad for posting this or being so deeply affected by his behavior. It’s mentally and emotionlly draining and you don’t deserve to have to put up with it.
 
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