Relationship Dating a man with ptsd

SallyO

New Here
I’ve been dating a veteran with ptsd for over a year now. It’s been long distance. There is a two hour distance between us. It’s been tricky but as of a month ago, it’s been worth it.
I’ve held off moving to him in case something like this happens bc I do have kids involved.
But as of a month ago, he’s been super off. He switched medications recently and I think that’s what’s effecting him. But what do I do? I told him I’d never give up on him and I meant that but this is almost impossible. I’ve given him space. I’ve waited for him to come to me to talk, but I could be waiting days bc he’s not budging. He’s cancelled plans with me suddenly, he doesn’t call to check on me and he’s even blocked my numbers at times. It happened instantly. One day he was so in love with me and now, he doesn’t know what he wants and it’s basically like we’re done.
My question is… will this pass? Is he just going through it and needs me to be patient? Or is there no hope? I’m so stuck. I knew what I was signing up for, so I’m trying with everything but I’m not mentally in the best place myself so I’m struggling and just need advice from someone that has ptsd themselves, or partners to someone that has it.
You need to take care of yourself. Your job in life is not to rescue him. If your needs are not being met, that is what your focus should be. I would suggest you go to Codependency.org and check out some online meetings there. I have been there and done that.
 
S

sadbutnotwaiting

I’ve been dating a veteran with ptsd for over a year now. It’s been long distance. There is a two hour distance between us. It’s been tricky but as of a month ago, it’s been worth it.

But as of a month ago, he’s been super off. He switched medications recently and I think that’s what’s effecting him. But what do I do? I told him I’d never give up on him and I meant that but this is almotiimpossible. I’ve given him space. I’ve waited for him to come to me to talk, but I could be waiting days bc he’s not budging. He’s cancelled plans with me suddenly, he doesn’t call to check on me and he’s even blocked my numbers at times. It happened instantly. One day he was so in love with me and now, he doesn’t know what he wants and it’s basically like we’re done.
My question is… will this pass? Is he just going through it and needs me to be patient? Or is there no hope? I’m so stuck. I knew what I was signing up for, so I’m trying with everything but I’m not mentally in the best place myself so I’m struggling and just need advice from someone that has ptsd themselves, or partners to someone that has it.
I was dating a combat veteran with PTSD for 5 months, not a long time but we shared a lot of common interests, intimacy and really enjoyed each other's company. There we days we talking all day long, via texting/phone calls and other days I didn't hear from him at all. We talked a lot about expectations, being deep thinkers and what we needed in a relationship and when we spent time together is was amazing. It was such a strong emotional connection, it felt very soulful. Somehow I knew what he was feeling/thinking without him saying and vice versa, we were very connected. We could just sit in silence together and keep one another company. He would give and then pull away. He also commented he wasn't sure what his triggers were and that was very confusing because as much as I felt I could be myself, being open and honest, I felt I was walking on egg shells because I didn't know if I would say something or do something that would trigger him. Then one day he just quit responding after he told me how much he liked me/spending time with me but he wasn't ready for the responsibility of a relationship. It was so difficult and I was heartbroken. I didn't know if I should go to his house to talk or just give him space. I sent him a very heartfelt honest letter and I haven't heard from him. Nothing, just silence. I can't imagine he isn't thinking about me but I have a hard time understanding how he just shut off. I still have a hard time not wanting to see him or talk to him again, even after 4 months of silence. I have been moving on but it's difficult to find the kind of intimacy we shared and I don't just mean sexually. It's like being so caught up in a really good book with no ending...
 

Makeupqueen1

New Here
I was dating a combat veteran with PTSD for 5 months, not a long time but we shared a lot of common interests, intimacy and really enjoyed each other's company. There we days we talking all day long, via texting/phone calls and other days I didn't hear from him at all. We talked a lot about expectations, being deep thinkers and what we needed in a relationship and when we spent time together is was amazing. It was such a strong emotional connection, it felt very soulful. Somehow I knew what he was feeling/thinking without him saying and vice versa, we were very connected. We could just sit in silence together and keep one another company. He would give and then pull away. He also commented he wasn't sure what his triggers were and that was very confusing because as much as I felt I could be myself, being open and honest, I felt I was walking on egg shells because I didn't know if I would say something or do something that would trigger him. Then one day he just quit responding after he told me how much he liked me/spending time with me but he wasn't ready for the responsibility of a relationship. It was so difficult and I was heartbroken. I didn't know if I should go to his house to talk or just give him space. I sent him a very heartfelt honest letter and I haven't heard from him. Nothing, just silence. I can't imagine he isn't thinking about me but I have a hard time understanding how he just shut off. I still have a hard time not wanting to see him or talk to him again, even after 4 months of silence. I have been moving on but it's difficult to find the kind of intimacy we shared and I don't just mean sexually. It's like being so caught up in a really good book with no ending...
It’s funny that you said all of this….
I hadn’t heard from mine in a month and he just reached out last night.
He told me that he came off his medication and he didn’t know where to go from here. And that he was sorry and regretted leaving.
I can’t say that I’ll go back, but I do forgive him. I can’t imagine what he goes through on a daily basis and I’ve tried to be understanding of it.
I think I’ll always be here for him, but maybe not in the way he thinks.
I backed off and waited for him to come to me and he did. We can still love them and be there for them when they need someone, but only from a distance. Especially my situation.
If the meds can’t help him, I know I can’t.
Doesn’t mean I’ll never be here.
Hang in there. It’s hard and I’m not sure you’ll ever be completely over it, but it does get easier.
 
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