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Relationship Dating combat vet who ghosted

Thread starter #1
I dated a combat vet for 2 months. He admitted to having struggled with PTSD in the past, but said things were ok for him now. He's long past his combat days. Like so many here have described, our relationship was passionate and we became very close. He seemed emotionally mature and comfortable communicating about what was happening between us, talking about us having a future. We communicated every day. Then one day, he just cut off all contact, blocking me from his phone and social media with no word and no warning. No fading. Just gone. It's been weeks and I haven't heard anything from him.

If he just changed his mind and just wasn't into me, I can't understand why he wouldn't have said something - even by text. It seems so extreme. We're mature adults, not kids. We always treated each other with caring and respect.

There were some behaviors present that could be related to PTSD but not necessarily (liking solitude, keeping a zone of privacy, having a quiet intensity) but no anger or anything that set off red flags for me. Has anyone else experienced this? What would be going on in his head to cause him to do this. Is this PTSD?
 
#4
This was my ex-girlfriend. Like you, a short but intense and serious relationship. A lot of love, honest, and vulnerability. Talk of the future. And what seemed to be an emotionally mature person. What I've learned since is that having PTSD doesn't mean she (or your ex) isn't an emotionally mature person. But they are dealing with a mental illness that wreaks havoc on the emotions. I don't think we can truly understand what it's like, or the pain that they go through (even as it's painful for us).

I got some answers but not many. Last time I saw her she was about as emotionally numb as you could get. It was like talking to a completely different person. Saddest thing I've ever experienced. No contact or signs of remorse since.

I caution you about reading my story and trying to extrapolate what will happen with yours. While many of our stories are similar, they are also very different. Each person is different. All you can do is take care of yourself, because we can't control others. We care so much for our partners who are suffering, we want to help them, but the truth is they can only help themselves.

Just remember, this has nothing to do with you. It's almost impossible not to take this personally. Even as I write this and truly believe it, there is still a feeling in my body, right around mid-chest level, that makes me feel worthless/disposable/etc because that's how I was treated in the end. But the truth we have to remind ourselves of is that it has nothing to do with us.
 
#6
I agree, read up on the stress cup.

I am intense as f*ck! I'm female so this isn't usually well received. The solution? I found my match, someone who is equally as intense. I was bewildered at first. What do you mean that you are upping the ante on intensity?!? This is craaaaazy! Somehow it works. I don't know how. I used to scare everyone away. I know what it's like. I don't know why those of us with PTSD can be so intense. It's a mystery to me.
 
Thread starter #7
He was intense but I'm intense too. That's why he and I connected so strongly. He said he loved that about me and I loved that about him. I thought we were a match. I trusted him and felt safe. Then he just vanished. The stress cup makes sense.

But here's one thing that doesn't. He did have a longer relationship with another woman before me, and they are still friends. So he doesn't ghost on every woman he dates. Apparently just me.
 
Thread starter #8
This was my ex-girlfriend. Like you, a short but intense and serious relationship. A lot of love,...
I'm sorry that happened to you, and I know what you mean about the physical sensation of it. I feel that too. I'm afraid of exactly what you described as your last interaction with her. That if I saw him, he would be cold and uncaring. Thanks for the affirmation though, that it likely had nothing to do with me. I've gone over our interactions a thousand times, and can't imagine what I could have said or done to push him away. Still, it's hard to move past it.
 
#11
Intense is good! Life and emotions should be experienced fully. But you can see how that can be problematic for a sufferer - intense emotions are almost always a trigger. So it’s an asset and a challenge. I think that’s why we love our sufferers: they are sensitive, beautiful people capable of experiencing the highest highs... but as a consequence, they are susceptible to the opposite end of the spectrum.

That’s the blessing and a curse of being a person of great emotional depth.

(For the record, i’d take a personal of emotional depth who occasionally falls into the pit over a “normal” person any day)
 
Thread starter #12
I love your comments WTF, and agree wholeheartedly.

We were intense and deep in a tender and positive way. No drama at all. He seemed to want that and had intense feelings himself. But yeah, my theory is that the emotional intensity between us triggered something in him. I understand the stress cup and that they need to get away. But how often do they open communications again? Anyone experienced that? WTF, I know you said your girlfriend has not, at least as of now, but you said you got some answers. How did it come about that you connected with her after she ghosted you?

Honestly, I don't know if I'm up to dealing with the back and forth, if this is what it would be like. I didn't know him long, so it's a different situation than those who are married or have a long history, so are more invested to stick it out. But I wonder what I would do if he contacted me again. I still have feelings for him, so I honestly don't know. I haven't blocked him from communicating with me, because I think I would want to understand what happened if he ever reached out to me again. Obviously, he's not open to receiving any communication from me so I've just let it be.
 
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