Hi everyone,
hope you are having a great day.
I have had some experiences that I would like to learn more about it from others. I am trying to grasp it.
Can anyone share if you feel comfortable how do you know you had de-personalization or de-realization or both before therapy?
Have you ever recover from one and how do you know you have?
Can you have one but not the other? Can you become conscious of it and keep it? Is it worth it for you?
I feel I have had de-realization and it sort of manifested as fear of people which will make sense to me as probably not being attached to my mother as I also feared her in terror so I sort of as animistic level closed off to her but in closing off to her - I closed myself to outside world - the reality and now that I am recovering from it, it is like an open dam....but significantly I allowed my therapist in and felt so paranoid and anxious and came to recognize how much time and energy I spent to keep her out of my mind...but the beauty of noticing this become like a double-bind.
I do not want her in my mind but yet I want her in my mind (open and accepting not intrusive and challenging) and that wanting and not wanting created a high anxiety bordering on paranoia and triggered avoiding of panic - and when I notice the double-bind ---I let it go the prevention and the avoidance and felt I can handle her in my mind cause I am capable of having that- boom the fog is lifted, the vision is improved, and the clarity I have is like wow! I am in different dimension. This feeling has happened before but not as conscious as I can write about it now.
I shared this with my therapist and she said I had a partial dissociation because I notice it happening. I told her it was not partial and I did not notice I am just remembering the difference of before and after the moment more clearly. I was not outside of myself looking in. I was inside looking out and seeing clarity of the reality and others but also I can hold the memory this time not suppress it.
So I am wondering if this makes sense to anyone to who can relate to it.
Thank you for sharing any information you find it useful to partake on this issue.
hope you are having a great day.
I have had some experiences that I would like to learn more about it from others. I am trying to grasp it.
Can anyone share if you feel comfortable how do you know you had de-personalization or de-realization or both before therapy?
Have you ever recover from one and how do you know you have?
Can you have one but not the other? Can you become conscious of it and keep it? Is it worth it for you?
I feel I have had de-realization and it sort of manifested as fear of people which will make sense to me as probably not being attached to my mother as I also feared her in terror so I sort of as animistic level closed off to her but in closing off to her - I closed myself to outside world - the reality and now that I am recovering from it, it is like an open dam....but significantly I allowed my therapist in and felt so paranoid and anxious and came to recognize how much time and energy I spent to keep her out of my mind...but the beauty of noticing this become like a double-bind.
I do not want her in my mind but yet I want her in my mind (open and accepting not intrusive and challenging) and that wanting and not wanting created a high anxiety bordering on paranoia and triggered avoiding of panic - and when I notice the double-bind ---I let it go the prevention and the avoidance and felt I can handle her in my mind cause I am capable of having that- boom the fog is lifted, the vision is improved, and the clarity I have is like wow! I am in different dimension. This feeling has happened before but not as conscious as I can write about it now.
I shared this with my therapist and she said I had a partial dissociation because I notice it happening. I told her it was not partial and I did not notice I am just remembering the difference of before and after the moment more clearly. I was not outside of myself looking in. I was inside looking out and seeing clarity of the reality and others but also I can hold the memory this time not suppress it.
So I am wondering if this makes sense to anyone to who can relate to it.
Thank you for sharing any information you find it useful to partake on this issue.